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Reviews For: Exchanging Karma - Reviews: Page 1 of 6

kittymobile 2008-06-30 ch 1,	abuseOkay, review time :) The question on every selected senior at Starlight High School was ‘why me?’ the question on every selected senior's lips at Starlight High school was: 'why me?' would sound like it makes more sense:) as we received our letters. This letters informed as we were going to have to put up with foreign exchange students in our respective homes for a whole month at the every least. How about for the second sentence you start it 'these letters informed us we were going to have to put up with...' etc as this cuts out the repetition of 'letters' and changes the typo 'as' to 'us'. ^-^ They were even talking about How about 'There was even talk about' as this makes it sound less conversational. She knew about why Take out the 'about' there was one in the previous paragraph and it isn't needed in this sentence anyway. Where you can cut words out, do so. :). Trust me. That's great on its own like that: gives great impact. An apple pie slammed into my face before I had time to respond. Then I fell into the trashcan backwards. The sentences here are too short and it disrupts the flow of the story. How about... An apple pie slammed into my face before I had time to respond and, as a result, i fell backwards into the trashcan. or you can take out 'as a result' and just have and i fell backwards into the trashcan. :). “If today gets any better for you, Charity, you’ll have to Take out the comma after you: it's not needed. You don't need to mention Jav's last name either- it's more info than is needed in the situation and it slows down the reading process. So far today I had gotten a door slammed in my face consequently leaving a red mark on my forehead that had finally faded away 'ly' words are evil and should be rooted out of everything like weeds. xD. How about... 'So far today I had gotten a door slammed in my face, leaving a red mark on my forehead which took ages to fade away' Remember, I'm only giving my opinion on things here: you don't have to follow what i suggest. =] had a bee sting me In the list you'd had a 'had' start the incident in the comma bracket right before this. How about you say 'a bee stung me' instead? :) and a guy drooled on me too many 'on me's or 'me's how about...'drooled down my front' or something like that, to give you more of a picture of it? And it wasn’t even first period yet! Never start sentences with 'And' ...it ish better :) strutted themselves through the door Take out 'themselves' I know people would die to be me, who is the most popular girl in our whole school, but I would rather be the tomboyish bookworm I started off as I know people would die to be me, the most popular girl in the entire school, but i would much rather be the tomboyish bookworm i started off as. Unfortunately no Ashton Kutcher jumped out to inform me I was punk’d. You could put a comma after unfortunately for emphasis. Fantastic! Charity Logan has resorted to talking to people who aren’t really there. Don’t let her enemies know. They already want to take her apart and set her on fire. Uhm...you've just gone from 1st person (the I's) to 3rd person (he/she/it)...I'm confused xD. The guy whose name I didn’t even know remarked Cut out the 'even' it makes this sentence sound slightly childish, less professional than it need be. ‘Did a Mac truck finally come and finish me off?’ That's funny xD. Great. She didn’t know how to do anything, but hand out condoms. Don't need the comma. I asked referring to his earlier remark. Comma after asked. we were on marching to their death. two different pronouns here. you want either: we were marching to our death or... Most of them looked as if they were marching to their death. into having the day off have the day off too many 'into having's in the sentence. had to have plastic surgery had to have had plastic surgery Then she ran to the bathroom probably to regroup so she could think of a way to avenge her self like I cared. Then she ran to the bathroom, probably to regroup and think of a way to avenge herself. Like I cared. absents absences At the brother was cute. At least the brother was cute? scuffled scuffed My house after you get settled in we can meet at my house for ice cream Don't need the first 'my house' Btw, what does 'ek' mean with the scene breaks? you and I can have are our own party.” you and I can have our own party He moved closer and pulled me closer. He moved closer and pulled me to him. Are you staying around to hang around with a bunch of high schoolers?” Are you staying to hang around with a bunch of high schoolers?" He could easily make someone thing typo: think not thing Okay, finished this chapter. I have to say, if you don't hate me yet for all that critiquing and want me to continue editing, I'd rather have the raw files x.x Editing like this is a pain and it means that, should you agree with me, you have to trawl back through the whole thing xD. I'm liking the plot though. You can definately be very funny at times too. I love your sense of humour. That said, take care and I hope to hear from you soon ...That was a mammoth review wasn't it xDxD. Peace Holly
DisiredLove 2008-05-07 ch 7,	abuseyou know.. u are good at them darn cliffhangers! =\ but oh well! makes me want to keep reading! =] (which is good for you) =]
DisiredLove 2008-05-07 ch 6,	abuseloved it! now this wonderful story has horror in it! like the McDonal's saying: I'm Lovn' It! =]
DisiredLove 2008-05-07 ch 4,	abusei loved this chapter even more than the other one! =] it had passion and sadness all in one! i love stories like this!
DisiredLove 2008-05-07 ch 2,	abuseok, this chapter was good. i liked it. but the only thing that confused me was the -ek-- thing.. i dont know what that is. =\ well other than that it was great.
SirScott 2008-03-28 ch 10,	abuseThat's a pretty good chapter. A pretty good advancement to the plot by revealing what could be causing the changes in everyone's attitudes. ~SirScott
SirScott 2008-03-27 ch 9,	abuseMagic powers, stalkers, and everyone getting mad at each other, a lot of interesting stuff in one chapter. ~SirScott
NightWolfMoon 2008-03-25 ch 12,	abusei liked it. it was a pretty good wrap-up. :):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):)
Hoodwynk 2008-03-04 ch 11,	abuseI liked the toss up with the flirty mother and the beer-belly boyfriend, but you might have wanted to explain your thought process behind that; meaning, what, in your mind, were you saying about the mother's character/personality/issues/et cetera. Great Chapter, all in all: esp the couple's banter.
Fleeting Moment 2008-03-04 ch 11,	abuseI'm gonna cry! This is awsome, and I thought she lost the bad karma? UPDATE!
NightWolfMoon 2008-03-03 ch 11,	abuseupdate soon please! it's getting really good! :):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):)
Hoodwynk 2008-02-27 ch 10,	abuseAw, so cute. You are getting really good at lover's banter. I really like the plot, and the other's jealousy, but maybe giving Charity some self-doubt/jealousy would mix it up. Of course, if that just isn't Charity, ignore this.
NightWolfMoon 2008-02-23 ch 10,	abusehi! great chapter! :):):):):):):):):):):):) i was going to read it sooner, but my internet was down. well, update soon please! i want to know about the demonic forces! :):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):)
Hoodwynk 2008-01-18 ch 9,	abuseSo cute. It seems like you are setting it up for the exchange students to come back 'attacking'. Just a thought...
Hoodwynk 2008-01-17 ch 6,	abuseI liked how although there were some definate HP streaks in here other than the L.V. reference, it was extremely subtle. Too many people would turn it into Hp with different names. Nice.

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