Reviews for The Sky is Falling?

Reviews For: The Sky is Falling? - Reviews: Page 1 of 4

InsaneRomantic15 2008-07-06 ch 6,	abuseUpdate soon! For the sake of my sanity!
InsaneRomantic15 2008-07-06 ch 5,	abuseRandom fact: Jericho is also the stage name of a wrestler. I feel like I really need to know more about the main character. Maybe why her parents are dead (I don't think that has been mentioned), and at least a little idea of what she looks like. Besides that, I'm loving the story.
x day x dreamer x 2008-07-04 ch 6,	abuseThis is a really, really, really good story (: it makes me smile. update soon please! srz (:
x day x dreamer x 2008-06-30 ch 3,	abuseOoh, this is getting interesting! Can't wait to read the next chapter (:
x day x dreamer x 2008-06-30 ch 1,	abuseThis looks really interesting! Very well written. Congrats on a captivating first chapter (: Cohora... it doesn't sound exactly pretty, but it's not that bad. Would it be pronouned, 'Ko - ** - rar' (sorry for the swear word)? Sometimes people get offended when I ask how to pronounce things, so I'm sorry if that's you. It's just, I met this girl and her name was spelt 'Rosziel' and pronounced "Rachelle" (Scandinavian). Who would have thought? So, yeah. Anyway, onto the next chapter (: ~srz
jammi 2008-06-30 ch 6,	abuseI wonder what Jules knows that she isn't telling Cohora. And I wonder what Jericho wants, I think I have an idea, but I'm not positive. Poor Coho, though if she is scared that he dug up her mother's grave why didn't she attempt to check it out? I mean, I'm sure that even if he covered it back up the grass would be obviously disturbed and whatnot. That would've been my first thought so I could go and then file a report against him or something. Interesting chapter, looking forward to the next one as things seem to be moving ahead now instead of just setting the scene.
xxvisionaryxx 2008-04-26 ch 1,	abuseWow! That was a great first chapter, it kept my interest all the way through and I winced for Cohora (nice name) when John spilled the beans. I thought you used italics perfectly here, so many authors over or under use them, but you have it just right. There were a few awkward phrases here and there, no real grammatical errors, just sentences that could do with being rearranged, the one that I felt was the most awkward was, "John's blond mane amidst the balding strangers was nowhere to be found," I think it should be changed to, "John's blond mane was nowhere to be found amongst the balding strangers". You havea lovely style of writing. I'll be sure to return to this story and finish the rest of it. V
Tawny Owl 2008-04-05 ch 5,	abuseThe plot is really intriguing and I like the writing style. The voice of Coho is funny and engaging, although I liked the other characters too. Especially Jules and Jericho. If it helps I thinking swearing adds colour too, and there’s not so much of it that it detracts from what you’ve written.
Dexterity 2008-03-23 ch 5,	abuseHey, I'm back! First paragraph - how about putting it all in past tense? It would be more consistent with the rest of the story. "...the likes of which are very popular at drag..." - tense shift again. Try "...the likes of which were..." "This is neverminding the fact that Sonia moved out two weeks ago into her new house and doesn’t even have any claim to the apartment facilities here anymore." - another tense shift "...that blinding, sequin encrusted unitard distracts me to the point where I’ve agreed to go get some..." - tense shift "Yet… somehow…not a lot of exercise happens." - same thing "I’d jump through her window right now and run far, far away." - this line is pure genius "that he was very, well, do-able" - another awesome line. “—An especially apt idiom for a librarian, no less.” - I'm dying of laughter here. Nice! "After settling on roses, I hung up the phone, thoroughly exhausted." - don't know if this was supposed to be funny, but I laughed either way "...trying not freak myself out." - missing a "to" "...fake watered..." - is she playing house? "Why, why, why have I been so passive about this entire fiasco? I’ve just been annoyed for the past three days at this guy, but annoyance isn’t action. Being irritated isn’t enough to get him to stop. I struggled furiously to think of why I haven’t filed harassment charges or why I haven’t told Jule (or even Sonia) the full story. I was mad at Jericho for doing and mad at myself for enabling." - tense shift "The blasphemous have free reign in my home, apparently. How does one become a God, anyway? Is it self-appointed?" and "Granted no one has beaten me to it." - tense shifts "...that is, ..." - tense shift again Everything else was nicely written. Quite a lot of funny lines here and there, which was nice. However, as I said in the last chapter, it would be nice if the pace picked up a little. You left the chapter on a cliffhanger! Evil... Hopefully that means the pace would quicken, though, now that the deal has been made. By the way, Jericho is the name of a beach in my city, haha. I can't think of much else to say. I really do enjoy the humour. It's just the pace. A bit quicker and I'd be very happy. You could do with shorter chapters too. Divide it into smaller chunks so I can concentrate better. If you have some time, I would appreciate it if you can give me some suggestions for my story "Stolen Flight". It's only if you have time though. I can understand if you don't. See you later then, ~Dex
Dexterity 2008-03-23 ch 4,	abuseHey, I'm back! In the last chapter I said I found run-ons. Actually, I reminded myself to put one down here as soon as I find one this time, so here it is: "I had the distinct impression wherever it was that I ended up was exactly where I was meant to be (despite having no idea where I was to begin with)." I think "I had an impression of where it was, so distinct that I ended up exactly where I was meant to be." would sound better. What do you think? "That’s really all that mattered" - once again a tense shift. Should be "that was really..." "Co--a" - loved that one a lot. "It was at this point I picked myself wrecked self up and moved forward." - I think this may have been a typo. Should be "It was at this point I picked my wrecked self up and moved forward". "Once you had accepted the fact that something is real, well, it becomes real to you. It interweaves seamlessly into every facet of your life until you don’t remember what life had been like before. It sinks deep into your heart, never to leave. Only to be dredged up every once in a while by the stray dream." - how about put it all in the past tense. I know it is true for all times, but tense consistency makes better flow. "...and exactly what’s supposed to come of it is probably nothing." - another shift into present tense. "I struggled to name a virgin Greek goddess who would have been abundantly proud of me..." - How about Athena? "I smiled; I’ll wear that scarlet letter like a badge of honor." - tense shift. How about "I would wear..."? "I winced at her use of my infinitely un-clever nickname for Brit: Brit plus plus ditzy. I’d yet to call it to her face, as the insult would more than likely be lost on her. Then, if I’d have to explain it, it would lose the force behind it. Plus, it was quite a mouthful." - I agree with your narrator here. You're a genius. Overall, very nice. It was a little long though. Could do with a quicker pace of things. In general, it was still very good. I'll write more details about what I think in my review for next chapter.
Dexterity 2008-03-23 ch 3,	abuseHey there! I'm back to review this story! Dark hair, like me. Tall (admittedly not like me) Love that line. It was funny! Actually, there are many lines like this one that I liked, but listing it all out would make my review rather long. "There's no excuse to let my guard down." - just a little tense shift here. Should've been "there was no excuse..." Very nice writing style. I like it. Grammar and spelling was pretty much spot on except for one or two run-ons (I think. I forgot them though, so I'll have to check back for them if you want me to find them for you). The first person perspective really worked in this case. Good job on that. I'm not sure how this chapter ties with the first two though...I guess I'll have to see about that? Alright, onto next chapter!
Esther Jade 2008-03-21 ch 3,	abuseI really find your writing very easy to read. I don't have to wade through it at all, which is probably why I'm back. I believe in escapism and light reading. Anyway, I like the way you keep Cohora's character consistent through the chapters. It can be quite tricky to keep a narrator's tone in character in first person but you pull it off well. One exception, for me, might be the beginning of this chapter where her emotional reactions didn't seem quite right in comparison to what we've seen of her before. Also, at the beginning, I didn't particularly like the way you told us about Jericho's facial expressions over and over again. It got really boring to read. Also, it felt like you were telling us instead of showing: you said what emotion he was feeling instead of describing his face and body language and letting the reader make their own conclusions. I did think you showed Jericho well overall. He feels a bit childlike and I'm not quite sure yet whether he's a good guy or a bad guy. Minor points: There was a very long silence while neither of us made a single move. - I think that "while" should be a "where". The fragrant scent of the vanilla drifted through the air. - I don't think the second "the" should be in there. It seemed like forever ago that I had lit the candle - Something's wrong here. I think that "ago" should be a "since". In that span of time I had gone - There needs to be a comma in front of "I". that move only worked on me during 3 a.m. infomercials, and I wasn’t nearly sleep-deprived enough to be suckered into what he had to offer. - Nice! (which, I’m pretty sure not many people would smile kindly upon that) - With the "which" at the beginning, I don't think the "that" is particularly necessary at the end. “Did you hear me?” He asked. - An errant capital crept in there. His face fell into that of utter disappointment - The phrasing of this sentence doesn't really seem to work. Also, its not always a great idea to have body parts doing things on their own - it suggests dismemberment. After growing up with a weird name and the countless nicknames that follow - Nice! “What?” He asked, - Another errant capital.
theflyingcrabsareeatingmyha... 2008-03-07 ch 3,	abuseOkay, you're doing great with typos, but you just stuck in this one near the end (reference to polytheism while Coco is thinking about Jerry): "(which I’m pretty sure not many people would smile kindly upon that)". Very cute deal. I wonder what he wants (has no clue since I still haven't checked the genre or anything)! Oh man...Coco is so awesome! WAY TO HOLD YOUR OWN AGAINST TEMPTATION! Geez, I'm already becoming a typical fan girl... Seriously though, I really appreciate the realism you're working so hard to put into your character. Her believable personality is very good for the story. And you did a good job being faithful to her less than intimidating personality. One little note, though. As I was reading, I noticed that she was a little bit OC. Nothing too major, but I felt that it disrupted the story a little bit. And now to the pitiful part...I don't really remember which parts stuck out... But I do think they were noticeable enough for you to see them if you read back over this with a keen eye! I think a few little edits will make it perfect. Ah...I could be mistaken in this, so if you don't see anything, don't stress! Another good chapter! Less satisfying than the last with less big plot developments, of course. can't wait for the next one! Oh...I can go read it now :)
theflyingcrabsareeatingmyha... 2008-03-07 ch 2,	abuseOne quick typo: When Coco sighs and checks her rear-view for the third time, you don't put a period at the end of that sentence. I think that you might have actually had a few more words to put there (though it does work fine as is), but hey. I'm just letting you know! :D Wow, what a plot twist. I'm really bad about reading summaries (I feel that they rarely represent the author's talent, except in the poetry section), and I'm also bad about reading genres, so I just jumped into this mostly because it was by you and had the most review of all your pieces. Therefore, Jericho hit me like the proverbial tank! (Is that how the saying goes?) Very nice name for a god. Did you invent him, or is he a real god, and the name is just used in a colloquial context more often than not? And how do I know you, anyway? (Shrugs...probably a forum) I love all the context you're putting her life into. Sure, you're not going into all the gory details about how she spends her time shelving books, and you don't make Brittany any more central than she has to be, but I still feel as though I've got a pretty nice sense of what's going on with her life. I'm a little curious about Coco's high school days, since you brought them up, but it's cool whether you do or don't mention them. Once again, a nice job. I'm MORE than a little creeped out by the fact that Jericho was waiting in Coey's room though >~
theflyingcrabsareeatingmyha... 2008-03-07 ch 1,	abuseThis is very cute, and sweet. I know, those aren't exactly quality adjectives to describe a scene where a woman's boyfriend announces that they haven't had sex to a large group of acquaintances, but those are the two that come to mind as I read your story. I guess that's what you'd call...style? Correct me if I'm wrong. I think what I liked the most about this is Cohora's (what a name!) mind throughout the piece. I'm sure you get this a lot, but you really get the reader right behind her eyes. Well, I wasn't crying, I'll admit, but I was most definitely shocked when I heard what her boyfriend said. HOW DARE HE? And then to smile on top of it... Very realistic work. Also, I liked the use of italics to accent words, and the use of parenthetical thoughts. I know, lots of authors use those, but I just thought I'd mention that they seem to be making great contributions to the story.

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