FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Needa S 2007-09-17 ch 1,  | abuseI think you could make this in two different pieces, Ninja. Very beautiful and the mid part I truely loved. I like it all don't get me wrong. Excellent piece as always. Keep writing and God Bless ya! |
| SummerLover 2007-09-05 ch 1, | abuseWell...LONG...is one thing. I think the first half was AMAZING!! but then you started talking about God and that woman...it would be awesome if you chopped it in half. |
| xXKittieXx 2007-09-05 ch 1, | abuseI like the whole "clouds" thing, I actually just published a poem today about clouds... Anyways, it was nice had some good rhyming and so forth, yet it kept wondering off into different subjects such as "a woman" and about "spiritual" matters. It ,I presume, was used almost as a metaphor, however it just didn't flow to well if you know what I mean. You kept taking the smae thoughts and repeated them in different sentences... There also were some grammar errors, I must point out. You might want to skim over it once more and export it... Overall I'd have to give it a 2 of 5. ~Signed, Kish's Migoto Koneko |