FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Youkai Author 2007-09-11 ch 1,  | abuseThis is so different from what you usually write- which just makes it all the more serious by comparision. The poem has good, hard emotion, which is always good for poetry. However, it would be more emotional if you added in some details that paint a little clearer picture, but yet still leave something to be desired. For instance, just slip in a word or two to make the situation more personal, like half-mention a place or something. I like the repition of "why". It makes it seem more like a song. Also, I like the line "Why won't you see me/See that I need help" because of how true it is. When someone's in pain, it's hard to ask for help. Sometimes all we need is someone to force us to explain what's wrong. |
| clifford 2007-09-09 ch 1, anon. | abuseinteresting, though slightly overused topic. |