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| Violet S. 2008-05-22 ch 1, anon. | abuseI think this is alright if it's supposed to be romantic (in a literary sense, not like romance-love) because it's a bit fanciful for a boy to think that way. It's sort of chick-flickish. Girls would love this to be real. That being said, I think it's nice, but it's **very** unrealistic because what Samuel did is not in the nature of most boys except for gays and sensitive, married men. So it's an A+ for chick-flicks but way off the mark for believability. In case you want to continue with a higher realism factor, I'd suggest manning Sam up. Boys don't think that way at all. They definitely don't cry because a pretty girl is crying. I don't want to seem rude or hater-y but the only thing about him that seems acceptable from a typical male (that he's done in the story) is a.) notice a pretty girl and b.) ask if she's alright. I won't pour over it because you may be aiming for chick-flick story, but if you aren't then work on that. I'd help if you needed it, you can email me or whatever... I can't sign in right now haha hope i helped =D |
| xXxWritersXBlockxXx 2007-09-08 ch 1,  | abusehey, this is really good! i hope there's more to it Terra |