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| Black and White Dreams 2007-10-01 ch 1,  | abuseYour sentences are a little choppy and you have some fragments. You should also not you "Like" as the first word word in a sentence. "His father always showed compassion for his kid..." When you write an essay, you shouldnt use the word "kid" if you are talking about a child. " it was always his 'sunshine'..." "it" meaning, the child? Don't use the word "it" when describing a human being. When you say "'They spent the afternoon sitting wrapped in the blankets eating apples,'... This shows once again the dependency by his dad..." i think it shows more compassion and more of a bond than dependency. “We wouldn’t ever eat anybody, would we? No, of course not. Even if we were starving? We’re starving now. You said we weren’t. I didn’t say we weren’t starving. But we wouldn’t. No. No matter what. Because we’re the good guys. Yes,” i think the quotes on this are a little messed up. ive never read the book, but in it, i assume it would look something like: “We wouldn’t ever eat anybody, would we?" "No, of course not." "Even if we were starving?" We’re starving now." "You said we weren’t." "I didn’t say we weren’t starving. But we wouldn’t. No. No matter what." Because we’re the good guys." "Yes.” The son is asking the questions and the father is answering, correct? "This boy can be persistent, after all, I think I would have given up or been found already by the cannibals if I were in their situation." This sentence is very long and you probably wrote it the way you thought it. It just keeps going and going where you could have put a period. Rather than saying "the boy" and "his father" so many times throughout the essay, you could put in their names a few times here and there. ~Black and White Dreams~ |