Reviews for Fall Afternoons - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Fall Afternoons

LachelleMarie 2008-01-30 ch 1,	abuseOverall the content was good but I felt it was a little jumpy and random. At certian points in the story it felt like you were trying to stuff parts into places where they didn't really need to go ie.. talking about her newly dyed hair, the first few lines also seemed to be a bit force. I think that as the story went on the tone and prose kind of fell together.
cls81690 2008-01-28 ch 1,	abuseWell done! I see there's a second chapter, but this could stand alone as a one-shot if you wanted it to. But, I feel as if it needs another edit. It would be wonderful if you could make it more fluid, more developed, and with more background in a mentioned-in-passing sort of way (instead of an explaining sort of way; I'm not sure how to show you the difference). I wish you'd chosen a slightly different ending. I like how you mentioned fireworks earlier and then the movie camera and music, but I didn't like how long the sentence was about having fun and seeing what happens. Actually, I don't like the part about just having fun. I think it breaks the flow a bit, and I'm not sure how I feel about the concept of just being in a relationship to have fun. I don't think you meant it this way, but I think it comes across to me as that they're in it for fun and not because they genuinely like each other (and you showed that they do).
Avery-102 2007-11-30 ch 1,	abuseDuring this english project we used the song Roxanne to base the whole thing on on. Well, the main character Roxanne ended up dying from a drug over dose but I'm sure that's not where this is going. I like this. Update soon. Scott is kind of a dare devil. Definetly makes him cuter. -Avery
d666lisa 2007-09-26 ch 1,	abuseBRILLIANT REALLY SWEET :-)
concerto49 2007-09-15 ch 1,	abuseHeya, saw your message, and so will review. Bit late, I know, sorry. Ha, it was kinda funny...interesting and it began already from the start instead of a boring introduction some others would do. I guess it probably was a bit typical, but you've managed to shake some of that off, so it ended up being quite alright. Perhaps could have explored the narrator's insights just that touch more, and all, but it was okay. Could have done with a bit more description on the aspects. Anyhow. Concerto49.
outsidersgirl 2007-09-13 ch 1,	abusethis is good
KrazyRachie 2007-09-12 ch 1,	abusegood good good. i'm bored and in school now not that it maters, but i repeat, i'm bored, so now you get to know this.

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