FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Gemma Lovell 2007-12-04 ch 1,  | abuseI really like this. Its decription is good, its point is good for such a short piece, and it's the furthest thing from the unrequited love cliche. I would make it longer and define your point more clearly. Nice work, and thanks for the review!! ~Gemma |
| PaulK92 2007-10-15 ch 1, | abusevery emotional, nice use of details |
| The Maltese Falcon 2007-10-14 ch 1, | abuseQuite a descriptive piece. It draws you in to follow Joseph across that field to find out what he's up to. Also like your colorful descriptions. Only one comment - did feel like "I wanted to see what happened." is rather in the wrong tense. Perhaps "what would happen." is more appropriate? Nice work! |
| firesword 2007-09-18 ch 1, | abusei'm going to be very blunt, not to say that this story doesn't have potiental, it does, its just... it is indeed interesting, i'll give it that. But its just strange but good. I like it. Obviously you must like it, enough so to show it to the world. But i don't know what to expect from this really. However, i do expect it to be good, in fact if it is not, i'll hurt you. I'll just wait for you to update to continue. By the way I'll be updating soon so look out. |
| mia5081 2007-09-15 ch 1, | abuseAw, that's so sad. And I liked the twist you made of the old cliche- where the unrequited love is with this wicked hot kid that everyone fawns over. Great job =) ~Mia |
| DiegoManuelR 2007-09-15 ch 1, | abuseThat girl has it bad but the last paragraph was so discriptive that it kinda endorced a movie in my mind at the moment they embraced. |