FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Mav 2007-09-20 ch 1, anon. | abuseok... i don't really know what a review involves but i know the author and i've read parts of this before and we know i like them. seeing them in this context is interesting. it's a good read but it doesn't grab me. it seems to feel kinda dry to me... i really don't know why that is but i think that's the best way to explain it. i might just not be in the right mood for this story though. i've read it a good few times since it was posted hoping to be in more of a mood for this story but it hasn't happened yet. i plan to keep trying lol but until then GOOD START! keep it going, |
| christine 2007-09-18 ch 1, anon. | abuseok so I'm generally a slow reader, but I was able to read this pretty fast. meaning that it was intriuging. I will admit there were certain moments (especially in the beginning) when I was freaked out. There were certain moments when I felt that I was sitting in a movie theater watching a horror film. lol but I love the first line. It's deep and passionate, and... it just drew me in. also, i loved how you used the word darkness. I use that word all the time in my novel b/c it's so metaphoric and symbolic. I would actually go back, however, and replace it with another word at certain points; at times it was a bit redundant. in terms of grammatical errors I didn't see too many. I would suggest that in the quote “Kiran – Kiran did you hear me?” you change the "-" (dash) with either a "..." or a "." I don't think the dash belongs there, and if you used the "..." it was make the moment more intense (even more so than it already is). Oh, and also capitalize the "s" in school for the elizabeth beacon prep school. There's a sentence when you have it lower cased, but I think it would make more sense to have it be "School," as opposed to "school". I also really like the poem that you made. Ah, I'm jealous. haha-jk. but it was really good and slid in well with the story. in all, it was enjoyable. You should send me more of your writing. it's really inspiring. |