Dismal, yet fascinating.

Continue, please.

Captivating and vivid.

Funny tidbit before I get to the review: You know what the first thing that caught me about this was (besides the summary, that is)? Your line breaks! You use the same as me! -evil cackle- high five!

Anyways...

What immediately jumped out at me as soon as I got a few paragraphs in was that, while some paragraphs had a great flow, others didn't. Reading both aloud and inside my head it sounds jerky and uneven. Give it a few days and then re-read it, and you'll see what I mean. Its more from it being freshly written, and it can't be helped until you can see it later.

I was a bit confused by how you brought the barrier back into the picture. How is it triggered? Does it suck anyone near it into it when the sun sets? It confused me and took away from reading.

Those are my only two real critisms. I quite liked how you started this and ended it, as it leads a person to wonder how she's moved on after his disappearance. When I'm more awake I'll read the other chapters and review again.

Good writing! :)

-Rachel.

P.S. It would be much appreciated if you could read and review my new story, "Time of the Gates". You might like it. :) Any thoughts or critisms are much appreciated.

I think the chemistry was better in the older prologue, when the boy was guiding the girl. You are obviously going to take this is a different direction, however, and this prologue is also promising.

I am sure you will make the opening quote proud. Oh, and MUCH better summary. Someone might actually read this now, say, by chance.

That was really good! It seemed like it was just going to be a oneshot "you're trapped inside a dome but who cares" kind of thing, but then she got sucked into the setting sun? Kind of random, but I hope you'll write more! ^_^