FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Scottish Princess 2007-11-04 ch 1,  | abuseNice going Oni-San! Keep up the good work. The only problems I could see were a few punctuation errors and maybe slow the pace down a tad. Nice start though! Really! ~Ni-san |
| Fontaine 2007-09-20 ch 1, | abuseNice work with some good potential. Too me it felt a little rushed,as if you wanted to get some where faster in the story. A little developing in a character can always go a long way in my opinion. |
| Iccle Fairy 2007-09-17 ch 1, | abusevery interesting beginning! |
| SoSophia 2007-09-16 ch 1, | abuseAn okay start. Some of the dialogue could be worked on, i think you may be using too many words. Also it's a bit weird (for me) how his uncle is called Voldimire, it reminds me of Voldemort from Harry Potter but that may just be because im a fan. Try something similar but different, or go on a fantasy name generator to get inspiration. Keep on going, i love a good fantasy :D |