So I've read the first chapter and it just does not seem to be a story for me. It also appears that the grammatical mistakes I noticed have been already pointed out. Onto the concrit though.

One thing I defnitely would have changed is the ending. Not the sunset necessarily, but the fact that Oober Yuckems doesn't explain to Missy Moo that he is angry for her stealing her muffin. To me, Children's stories should always have a moral or something at the end. Keep writing!

Chipmunks don't seem to get the story right. Oh, well.

I liked this one, how Missy Moo figured out that it wasn't a problem. And then the moose randomly popped up and stole the Lovely Cows. Why am I recounting the plot to you? It's your story.

Anyway, no grammatical errors in this chapter that I noticed. The whole thing was really good, you have a great sense of humor.

Keep writing,

-Freaky, the Review Revolution

""This is the lair of the Legendary Great Pif of Grape Doom." Well, it would be interesting to read about the Legendary Great Pif, but I think it was a pig.

Aww. Since the chipmunk munched the Grape Doom, does that mean there can never be any more wishes from the Legendary Great Pig of Grape Doom? How sad. I hope they can make more.

I liked the part where Oober Yuckems was talking to himself. And the bit where he basically recited the legend and then said he hadn't heard it was hilarious.

Keep writing,

-Freaky, the Review Revolution

"And had a little tea party, which theme was thinking." That last part doesn't seem right. Maybe 'of which the theme was thinking.'

This one was a little... morbid, perhaps? The cookies' screams filled the town with contentment. Well, I suppose all cookies must be eaten at some point.

I like the part about randomly smashing the TV with a jackhammer. It was pretty clever. It didn't actually make much sense, but it was clever.

Keep writing,

-Freaky, the Review Revolution

You had the accepted/excepted problem again in this chapter. It was when Oober Yuckems got the blanket from Mr. Loo Llama.

Is Missy Moo the monkey girl who originally told Oober Yuckems about the No-No Apple Famine?

I liked the last line, it was totally random, but funny. And Oober Yuckems' explanation of the grass sparkling was really good, too.

Keep writing,

-Freaky, the Review Revolution

"...the moment I have had to repeat twice already..." At that point, you'd said it twice, but the first time you said it was the first, so it wasn't a repetition. "Thank you stranger," I think there's supposed to be a comma between 'you' and 'stranger'. "Oober Yuckems excepted it happily." Accepted.

I liked the part about the sunset at the end. And your character names are great. Oober Yuckems and Missy Moo. Is she a cow?

Anyway, really cute chapter, and really funny, too. Loved it. Now, onto the next one.

Keep writing,

-Freaky, the Review Revolution

I could see how this would appeal to children, very repetitive and funny in a light sense, they'd laugh at it I'm sure. Except I kind of think it'd teach kids that violence was funny and something that isn't entirely serious. I think this was mentioned in a previous review though so you've probably heard it already. The sentences themselves aren't too long or too short so it isn't distracting really. Some words I don't know if kids would understand them so you might want to change it around but if not, kids need vocabularly lessons sometimes anyway. All in all this was pretty good, nice work :)

??
Starts off curious, and gradually gets more and more rediculous. Also it's not very child friendly - unless I'm out of touch with children these days. Violence, greed- uhuh.
Plot and charcters are original but randomly hyper, flow - there is none and that works in this piece. All in all a 5.5/10. (This is an RR review.)

Hello, another member from Review Revolution here :)

I have only read your first story so far (Eat Muffins) but i was pleasently surprised. You have one crazy imagination! (in a good way though). I think the style and use of vocabulary in this story is really well suited to kids.

I will say that things get a little confuddling around paragraph five and six (I think you could cut down the amount of times you say Apple Ya-Ya that wasn't called Apple Ya-Ya yet but would be)

And the last start of the last pargraph (Where Oober Yuckems punches Missy Moo!) might not be terribly suitable for really young kids but it's your story and it's crazy and i like that it's crazy :)

lefty here from... review revolution!

wow, you've certainly got some imagination there... ^_^;; the writing is quite good, and although the content is rather absurd, it is still a nice, lighthearted read. :)

i actually think this would make a good kids' story... perhaps not really little kids, but maybe 2nd or 3rd graders.

anyway, good job so far! keep writing!

-Lefty

These are priceless.

I should print them out and read them to my brother.

quite silly, but it's cool. My cousin who's nearly 7 would lyk this.

This is so adorable.

I loveth it.

More?

Absoloutly loved it, my kid brother will too when i read it to him. Great sense of humour, really original and i loved the fact it was written like a kids story versus The Mighty Boosh loved it. Keep writing.

Peaceout, kenzie