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| Edgar Wellington 2008-02-22 ch 1,  | abuseThis piece is quite rich. There are contradictions which can only make sense because we are human: such as that laughter returns only when the cold logic prevails. What keeps coming to my mind is the question of what exactly "darkness" is. Darkness has a couple of obvious connotations in this piece: immorality and pain. I like that you leave this ambiguous. A good poet (in my opinion) leaves a reader with questions... I think you have a good instinct for structuring things. For example, you start by having the protagonist admit something, then delve into an abstract explanation of what that is, then describe how it enters mankind, then relate it back to the protagonist: Whether to commit some impropriety or not is a very interesting question and makes for great literary drama... |
| sicklysnowwhite 2007-10-11 ch 1, | abuseI understand that you're kind of using The Dark and The Light as nouns or like special adjectives, but it gets kind of repetitive... I think you may be using the same word too many times... By the end of the piece, You can guess what the last two words are and you're sick of them and you dont even need to read them. No author wants that... I know you mean THE DARK but maybe (maybe as in you really dont have to listen to me) you could say it a different way... like "into the endless black from which there is no return" kind of thing, you know? But maybe you like it better your way... This is good anyways (though, yes, repetitive) Your voice has changed... You didnt used to write this way, and its very good. (I've always liked the word "abyss" haha) but yeah. good job on this one. |
| ignominy 2007-09-23 ch 1, | abuseit had the raw clarity that makes some people cringe, not because the writing was bad of course! but because you're so right it hurts. very deep. i loved it. |
| 97thparis 2007-09-21 ch 1, | abuseThis rocks. The emotion just spills out on the page. I love the sentence, "So insidiously it creeps into the souls of men." Great Job! |