FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Kisei 2007-09-21 ch 1,  | abuseThe rhyme was so natural I didn't even notice it the first time through. Most people seem to force the rhyme, so that makes me doubly happy. I really liked it. My favorite part is "eternity is now / and now has just begun." I think "the pain" is vague, and leave the reader wondering "what pain?" "our pain" (or something) would be more clear. |