i like the way you ended it, the last two lines
it makes me think of stephen king somehow, & it's beautiful.

the way you describe your "charecters" is something most people
can't do,

mygod.

whoa..."laughs like Marilyn's hemline"
never have i thought of hemlines laughing but now that i've read that i will think of this poem every time i see that picture. it's the only thing her hemline can now do for me, because you have made it so. i'm an eternal fan here.

your stories are just as amazing as ever. i love what you write, as it is dep and demands alot of thinking to understand. you have managed to become truly accomplished at writing: your words have a thousand meanings, and it is up to the reader to discover what the real one is.

thank you for writing.

Awesome poem. Your use of punctuation is very interesting and unique.

I really liked your setup of the poem, it's much more powerful and impacting, I can't really recommend any changes because honestly I wouldn't change a thing.

hell, even her fingernails are fake,
tiny rhinestones winking at her
until she nips them off between her teeth.

that bit just makes it incredible for me.
this is so excellent.

i just got a really bad cold chill. i've been thinking like this for days.

"God is cruel, baby," and kisses
you slow

--like decay.
--like denial.

when she's drunk she Runs her words together.
Savior safehere saveher.
word games. her games.

ha-ha,
you lose.

(there is no winning, you know?)

i love you. and your words.

The abstract way you form your lines is like music and the comma in the beginning made me feel like a was witnessing this poem-story firsthand. I think it's the second-last verse that will remain the most in my mind though, the way you have with words is just amazing.

Wow amazing. I would love to know what inspired this. The most amazing line was "she laughs like Marilyn's hemline. flirty. soft. manufactured." Very clever. Well crafted - I like the format. Lots of great imagery as well. Great piece.

Wow, this is intoxicating. I love comparing her laugh to Marilyn's hemline - that's so original, it fits the tone of the poem, and the description worked. So fantastic. Keep writing! :)

Wow. Start to finish - just amazing. Kudos. I'm glad you reviewed me. I never would have found this, otherwise.

i miss this kind of torn apart beauty like it's oxygen.

i AM denial, embodied. that much i know is true, love.

I love how you started with a comma; it really made this piece feel as if it were a moment of time, a continuation of what came before. You used really good description and similes, especially the part about her laugh. Although I know you were talking about games, the ending (haha, you lose) doesn't really seem to fit to me.