FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Alteng 2008-01-04 ch 2,   | I would have thought the word would be hydromancer. Oh well, that is how much i know. Anyway, this will make Aiken useful. There can be a lot to be said about having someone able to control water on a ship. I would have thought that the king would have realized that as well. I would have thought that Blair would want him trained. Still, all in all it is a good chapter. |
| Alteng 2008-01-04 ch 1, | Given that I am planning to write some things to so with pirates and the like, I am presently interested in this kind of story. I can see the mild influence of One Piece in this story, but is is the feel more than anything. I don't know how much interest you have in correcting your spelling issues. I have a word processing program that points out non words. That helps me. Anyway, I won't point out those problems. This was a good exciting piece, and I did enjoy the troubles of young Aiken. Tora is too wishy washy for a pirate princess, but she might get better later in the story after a few good meals. |
| theforbiddensong 2007-10-11 ch 3, | slightly cliche and a bit predictable, but still, pirates, neh? there were a few grammar/spelling mistakes, but still, over all it's pretty good. btw, you switched tenses. just in case you didn't realize... |
| Nemonus 2007-10-01 ch 2, | Sometimes your word "neromancer" has been replaced with the more common "necromancer", as in "“He’s a necromancer. Don’t let the thief escape". The two things are completely different...Kissing the princess under the sunset is rather cliche... |
| Nemonus 2007-09-24 ch 1, | I like your use of present tense and the detail you put into things. Even in the first paragraph I can kinda "feel" the world. However, there are some grammar and typo issues: "stubble as begun to grown" has both. ...and you switch to past tense. What? Ooh, I like the design of the "monkey man". The first paragraph after the first break could do with some editing. One question about your fantasy world so far: Are animal-men common? "The thief" seems surprised to see the monkey-pirate at first, but that could be as much because he's been snuck up on as that he's been snuck up on by a six-foot monkey. What is 'normal' in this world? You switch tenses often. Don't. I still like the solid world you've made so far, and the characterization, with obvious kind feelings between them, of Aiken and Captain Tora. lol, OMG! Pirates plus anthro people equals fun so far. Just fix up your grammar and typing issues. I'll put this on my alerts for now. |
| Shiory 2007-09-24 ch 1, | Way cool my friend I can't wait to see how you add to this ^^ |