Oh wow, this feels like one giant metaphor about life and I love it! Very beautiful piece. Keep writing!

~Anna~ ^_^

"I wish I didn't have to throw them out"... this line sounded kinda wordy. It threw off the flow a bit I think.

I did like the piece. It was very true and I loved the descriptions in the last stanza.

I like how this progresses. From real life to like an idea life to a mundane life. Nice job describing each.

I liked the rhyming a lot. The choices were really nice except otherwise and disguise. Maybe if you had them in the same place in each stanza so they kinda rhymes with each other? Anyway, nice piece.

I like the first lines in the first and second stanzas. They were really interesting and made a good point, but I'm not a big fan of u in poetry. It seems kind of slangy.

I also like the alliteration in the piece. Nice job.

Interesting piece. I'm kind of missing the connection between the first stanza and the rest of the piece, but I do like them separately.. lol.

I like how your response to "subterranean cynical girl" is more of the message I was trying to get across.

I love how your poem feel so "apocalyptic" in a sense. The briefness of the poem combined with the heavy imagery makes an impact to the mind.

I really like this one. Keep it up!

-C.N.

Going from no rhyme scheme to rhyme scheme kind of bothered me.

I do like the piece though. It makes a very good point and the references to chess and tic-tac-toe. That was a nice touch.

Very interesting and thought provoking piece. Keep writing!

~Anna~ ^_^

PS - I hope everything's going well with you :)

I really like your word choice here.

I really love your descriptions in the second stanza. They were very nice.

I like this. I really like the second and third stanza. The tone was just such a switch from the beginning. Very reminiscent. It fit well.

I loved how you started off with that rhyming. I also like the subtle rhyming in the beginning of the lines in the second stanza. But I don't like how there's no rhyming in that last stanza. The rest of the piece is god too, nice ending.

Interesting description. It's such a positive take on something ppl so often dismiss as awful.

palliatives and torpor were great word choices. I also like the point you make here.