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Reviews For: Demons Fly
Sapphirefly 2007-10-02 . chapter 1
I confess that whenever someone rhymes 'love' with 'above' I choke on my own tongue because I find it way too cliche. But please don't be offended - I tell everyone that. At least you didn't rhyme 'park' and 'dark' - LOL. I think there shouldn't be an apostrophe in 'sin's' in line five, because it's not possessive, but I find that whole line rather awkward. I also think you mean 'every' instead of 'ever' in the line seventh from the bottom. I also think you might mean 'ye' instead of 'yea' in the line sixth from the bottom. Do you mean 'fire' instead of 'fine' in line fourth from the bottom?

There were some good lines like:

"In the end they will find,

That the true justice is not blind.

And swooping down with steely claws,

The demons come to enforce the laws,"

I thought those were the best lines - concise - and it ties in with the title.

I'm actually not much of a poetry critic, but I'd recommend breaking this into verses so that it's a little easier to read - the big block is a little intimidating.

I guess I'd say that it's got potential, so it's good, but it needs to be scrubbed a little if it's going to be fantastic.
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