Reviews for Experiment Thirteen

Reviews For: Experiment Thirteen - Reviews: Page 1 of 14

Shang 2008-09-21 ch 5,	abuseFinally found enough time to read this. Sorry for taking so long. Anyways, on to the review: this chapter was quite interesting. Thirteen is... what's the word I'm looking for, coz 'creepy' doesn't even begin to cover it... well, lets leave it. You probably can figure it out XD The escape was nicely done, though it surprises me that he got wounded by 'mere' humans when he rather easily stood ground against a ground of those like him in chapter 1. Not that I mind him actually getting a bit of a challenge, just a wonder. And a good, evil cliffy at the end. Nice touch on that, though, as a reader, it does annoy the hell outta me XD Overall: good job and I'm looking forward to an update.
Kharmaoftherainbow 2008-09-20 ch 1,	abuseGotta say, this sort of thing isn't usually what I read. The blood and the scifi and the funny-looking human-esque thingies... That being said, you did a fairly good job with this. The way the Spawn speak is awkward, but it sort of fits the character group. So nice job of giving them a distinct characteristic (besides the odd appendages) to recognise them by. I also enjoyed the final fate of the summoner, for it was appropriately clever and mildly amusing. Some of your blocks of text can be a little dense, though. I think that's something of word choice and sentence flow, but it makes it kind of difficult to get through at times.
The Catnapper 2008-09-03 ch 1,	abuseThat was interesting and quite well-written. You have good descriptions and word use, so that I had a very clear picture in my head of what was happening. Also, the plot is original and intriguing. It's interesting that the story is named after Thirteen, and yet the story is not told from his point of view. My only suggestion is the opening sentence--its very dense and could be simplified to be more effective.
A.S Lee 2008-09-01 ch 1,	abuseIts a good start. I like you seem to know you characters well but are still able to keep them mysterious "spawns" to the reader. I don't so much like how you are so vague about the setting. I this midevil? Or last night in some ruins deep in Scottland? Or in the mid-1900's under Central Park? There are so many possibilities, and the wonder about where this is happening is holding back the full effect of the chapter. Still over all a good start, wonderful writing style by the way.
vinny2 2008-08-31 ch 4,	abuseI'm having a hard time picturing what an "unnatural shade of white" would be. White is the absence of color, so it doesn't actually have shades. On the other hand, this chapter was much more involved than the previous one. Really, the only important part of the previous chapter was the observation on the notice board and entering this room. It could easily be incorporated into the previous or this chapter. I knew that she was going to have control over him. I kind of saw that one coming. However, the mental duel caught me by surprise and I felt it was well-choreographed. Fight scenes are a s kill, especially if they're laden with magical support. That was impressive. I'm looking forward to reading more, absolutely.
Mouse Mitterand 2008-08-30 ch 2,	abuseHa! Brilliant. I love the way you're bringing this together. I keep thinking back to the introductions you've made for Experiment Thirteen, and how well they suited the tone of the story. Your prose is fluid, the characters' names are original but solid enough to pronounce (kudos on that), and the whole thing keeps the reader in suspense. I really don't have anything bad to say about this chapter. Though I would say that I think the most commendable bit of it is how you change from scene to scene, perspective to perspective, without letting the reader lose track of the story itself. The story continues, just from different perpsectives. It builds a trust between the reader and author, that they'll "get it soon enough" if things are confusing. Nicely done!
vinny2 2008-08-30 ch 3,	abuseThe best part of this chapter was the ending. I was going in and out on interest. At some parts I stood up and got a drink of water because that particular part wasn't interesting me. The ending was the best part. While I still don't fully understand how magic works in this realm (am I just supposed to assume that "just works?"), it was interesting. Also, the cliffhanger at the and was effective. The rest of the chapter was boring. It solidified that fact that she was scared, confused, and curious, but I found it a bit boring. She took a long time to do very little. I still like this story very much. I really want to read on to fuel my curiosity.
Mouse Mitterand 2008-08-30 ch 1,	abuseAwesome!! Riveting, excellent job! I really love it, and I love the way you've designed all of the characters to visually appear artistic. My only qualms with this is that sometimes in your writing, the word choice you use causes words to be repeated in the same paragraph (other than the, a, etc.) For instance, in the first paragraph: "have passed off as human... and others so different that they couldn't be mistaken for anything other than something else. . . . anything remotely human. Behind the two came no fewer than thirty-two others, young and old alike." This might sound really odd, but using "human" twice here actually distracts the reader because it breaks up the smooth rhythm of the prose. Try switching it up, or changing around your vocabulary to describe things in different ways. Or (and this is a poetic concern only, so you're free to ignore it), it can even break up the rhythm of the prose - especially for a first paragraph - that you use "two" in the same sentence. Weird thing to comment on, I know, but trust me. Changing it up would make it flow more nicely, and make it more welcoming to the reader's subconscious. Other than that though, this was great! I seriously couldn't find much wrong with it at all. Definitely something I'll be following...
Da Paladin 2008-08-22 ch 5,	abuseWow out of the pan and into the fire. I look forward to what ever you have in store for our heroine and silvered-haired killing machine.
Da Paladin 2008-08-20 ch 2,	abuseI really can't decide if Cyra is the luckiest or unluckiest character I've ever seen. I'll have to check the rest later.
TheOnyxKeyMaster 2008-08-10 ch 1,	abuseIt was pretty good. and may I say, I was reading ur profile thing and u like everything I like (me AND my friends) and hate everything we hate too! Its weird but true. P.s. If this review thingy creeps u out...srry.
vinny2 2008-08-09 ch 2,	abuseSo the sidekick is thrust into the role of heroine. I suppose fate has other plans than what she expected for herself. Have I mentioned that I love this plot. Yeah, I love this plot. It's evident that you really plan what you're going to write. I'd like to know more about the magic in this universe, though. I hope you go into detail more in the future, becuase I really don't like it when people write stories with general magic and don't really bother to explain how it works. For now, great story. Loved this chapter from beginning to end.
LiberryBooked 2008-08-09 ch 1,	abuseWoww. I loved the detailed descriptions. I could actually see the events unfolding in front of me. Though the situation is foreign, you present it in a way that does not cause the reader to be even slightly confused. Very good piece. I can't see anything wrong with it. ~Liberry
Master Judgment 2008-08-09 ch 2,	abuseI liked your use of ominous visual imagery because it well-described the setting and created your intended tone. The dialogue and unique plot also kept me interested and entertained. I really couldn't mind much I did not like, but I guess, if I had to, I would say the pace was a bit too slow for me. Usually, I try to find style/grammar suggestions, but I couldn't find anything wrong with these elements.
Ilze09 2008-08-09 ch 3,	abuseWooh, you've got a great story on your hands. I especially like your characters. They're very well thought out and appear to be quite realistic. So great job there. As for improvement, the only thing I see that needs much improving at all is your dialouge. At times it comes out somewhat forced and could use a little better flow. But still, great story! Keep writing!

Return to Top