Reviews for Now I Understand - FictionPress.com

Casey Drake
2007-11-03
ch 1,

abuse...*nods* That... *shrug* *has no words*

:D CD

criti-sized
2007-09-29
ch 1,

abuseThe first thought I had when I saw how long this one shot was, was wow. But as I started to read it, I became interested in it.

The beginning of it is a part of Zachary's journal, but the transition of it from when we're reading his thoughts to the actual narration is pretty abrupt. You could possibly put the part from his journal in italics that way a reader understands that it's not the real narration of the story.

I really like your description right after his journal ends. It draws a person in, and his mature mindset is immediately understood from the way he approaches his little sister.

I'm assuming she's his sister, because he approached her differently than most stories where it's their child would have. Also you may want to write a number out in word form. It somehow doesn't stand out as much as it does in numerical form.

His tenderness towards his sister is great. It shows that despite the fact that a war is raging outside, he has his own personal war to battle, which is protecting his sister as well as keeping the both of them alive. The entire part where he reads the story to her, to where he ends up taking her to his room so he could be able to watch her shows a tender side to him, other than the bitterness he has towards life.

I could imagine that being woke up by the sound of war still going on outside your house as well as a blast could makes someone jolt out of bed also.

Zachay's promise to his sister was great. Though it's obvious that he already is going to keep his word and keep his sister safe, he had to confirm it to her just to relieve her. I guess the nicest thing about the breakfast part with his siter, is that she seems to be his sanity.

It was probably smart of him to go and talk to the men in the war, but I'm wondering how long will their agreement go on. Since there aren't that many men left, it seems, from what Lieutenant Ott said.

The good thing about them being on his land is that there isn't any fighting as in war, but it looks like the two lieutenants can't come to any tems that they agree on, which could probably result in a longer.

""And you're afraid of loosing yourself, too."" It should be 'losing'. But I would think that he's more afraid of losing his sister than anything.

What I really like about this, is that it didn't end on a perfect end, it ended realistically.

You did use more bold letters closer to the end of the story. I thought they were okay when he was writing in his journal, but it seemed a bit out of place while the story was being narrated.

Good one-shot.

C.S.

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