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| friend 49 2008-03-07 ch 4, | abuseSo I'm going to be just pointing out mistakes for you, because pointing out stuff I like would be stupid because I like most of it. So when she opens her laptop its a macbook and when she closes it it's dell. so. :) Tree and Arbol. sad. very sad. yeah i do speak spanish it's actually my first language. but i only spoke it from like 1-5 so i can't spell or anything. it sucks. why did we move? okay so now chapter six! oh and i know it's so frustrating. i have like 5 billion hits on one of my stories, and only three reviews or something like that. :( is chris going to be a vampire? he is a vampire! i am amazing! so i really like this. annd you should continue! byebye have an awesome weekend! |
| i wish i could delete this 2007-12-22 ch 8, | abuseI have one word for you and one word only. HORNY. H's and K's, Polar Bear PS He is SO your boyfriend! PPS Dude, I just realized your vampire and boyfriend have the same name. *cackles with mirth* |
| ProcrastinationLUVSme 2007-12-21 ch 8, | abuseYOU FUCKING WHORE! I HATE YOU AND YOU SHOULD BURN IN A TERRELL/SAM LIKE HELL! YOU SAW SWEENY TODD FIRST! I HATE YOU! *falls on florr sobbing* no fucking fair... sniff, sniff. *gets back up rather quickly* now that that's all over and done with- "Suddenly, he stiffened, making me pause immediately"? dude, you made it sound like he got a boner. hah, well, me likey. very very good chapter! |
| ChemicalxDisturbance 2007-12-21 ch 8, | abuseSWEET! You saw Sweeney Todd! you are so fuckin lucky! WHAT WAS IT LIKE?!? Was it of the greatest Jonny depp movies, (besides Edward scissorhands) that was ever made? I wanna see it so bad! Whoa, I am so off topic. (sniff) I think i'm gonna cry! He just left like that?!? WTF?!? You need to update tight now! don't seperate them! If you keep them seperated then you are a heartless bitch! I don't think you want to be a heartless bitch lol. Great chapter! I have no constructive critisim. that's not my thing. Wow, this is one of the longest reviews I have ever left. |
| AnimeAngelRiku 2007-12-21 ch 8, | abuseAw! Poor Cassie! I'm so gonna cry! T^T Awesome chapter! Can't wait for more. |
| AnimeAngelRiku 2007-12-19 ch 7, | abuse*GASP!* OMG! Suspense... is... KILLING ME!! It was so, so, awesome! What is he gonna do to her?!?! I can't stand it! *faints* *opens eyes* Amazing chapter! *faints again* |
| ProcrastinationLUVSme 2007-12-18 ch 7, | abusedude, i LOVE the ending! CLIFFHANGER! HOLY SHIT WHATEVER SHALL I DO?!?!??! hehe, liked it! KEEP IT GOIN BEFORE I MURDER YOU UNTIL YOU DIE! oh yeah... |
| ChemicalxDisturbance 2007-12-18 ch 7, | abuseOOH! I wanna be a vampire too! okay, now back to the story. YAY! you finally updated. I'm sorry, but it took forever. And I mean forever. It was great. Lauren sounds like a dumb prep. There is'nt a highschool story without the dumb prep. Anyway... YOU LEFT US WITH A CLIFFIE! How could you?!? It will all be forgiven if you update as fast as you can! |
| ChemicalxDisturbance 2007-12-06 ch 1, | abuseHi! You said you wanted more reviews even if we just said Hi. well... Will you please update now?!? Come on! I want to know what happens! Your story is awesome, and it's got it's cute moments. Update! |
| anonymous 2007-11-22 ch 1, anon. | abuseHI! i love your story! |
| ChemicalxDisturbance 2007-11-17 ch 6, | abuseI like this story! it's really great. you need to update fast! I want to know what's going to happen next. update!update!update! Oh, and by the way, why would Rick call her? Just a quick question. |
| Who's Fazil 2007-11-09 ch 6, | abuseHello again! I hope I am boosting up your review count without bugging you too much. Everything's moving v. v. fast. Chapters v. short. Maybe think about some more character development?? Maybe build a bit more tension, you know, create a bit more of a chase, between Cassie and Chris? I don't know, I don't even know why I'm commenting on this point, because this is one of the many things that I can't do when I write. Ooh, altercation...mm, what is it about men and fist fights that we pretend to hate but secretly feel giddy about? Oh, I thought Rick might've come in in a sort of 'bizarre love triangle' (New Order reference!) scenario. This is a nice idea, but I think it needs some developing. I know I can't talk, I NEVER plan, but it just seems like you're writing the whole thing as it comes to you, you know ad hoc, which is great because spontaneity is very natural, however not so great when you can see it in the story. And try to SHOW rather than TELL (apparently there's a whole entire tertiary course dedicated to that very thing, so you're not the only one of us who needs help in that department!). Keep going! I've seen some of your other projects and they're all great ideas! I envy you that, I can't come up with an idea to save my drowning mother...anyway, oh damn, I promised no more space-wasting and here I go again...well, my excuse is that it's your last chapter, which probably means you're stuck or something so, hopefully this is useful feedback! Seriously though, push on! And on and on...! Cheers! |
| Who's Fazil 2007-11-09 ch 5, | abuseLOTS of interaction between your romantic leads...I like it! I always have trouble in that arena, trying to contrive opportunities etc. for them to talk and get to know each other and marry and have kids and get wrinkly and blah together etc... Oh, and was going to say, KILLER summary! I can never do those either... |
| Who's Fazil 2007-11-09 ch 4, | abuseGee, you REALLY break up your chapters, don't you? Personally, I wouldn't recommend you make break up your chapters e.g. in the middle of conversations, unless, I don't know, it's a really long conversation or something. You might want to pay a bit more attention to the structure of your story in terms of the chapters. Chapters organise a narrative into separate episodes, so you have to watch out for how your plot, situations etc. fall within the chapters. I don't understand internet speak, so I sort of skimmed over that bit pretty quickly...but you're clearly embracing the Zeitgeist! Very current! Oh, and consistency issue, at the beginning of the IM-ing, or whatever you call it, Cassie was using a mac-book but at the end she's got a Dell. Chris is v. interesting...but then again, we always want them to be, don't we? |
| Who's Fazil 2007-11-09 ch 2, | abuseI'm sorry, I just have to do this (because word choice is a big thing for me!): it's 'defensive', not 'protective stance'. Anyway, your characters are coming across really strongly. Adds to the pace of the story, and it's v. pacy so far...I like that, but careful, it might you in the arse later! I love black hair! And blue eyes. They belong together! LOVED LOVED LOVED the way you ended the chapter though... |