 Tonto 2007-10-03 . chapter 1 Looks like another good start. Difficult to find any foreshadowing so far, but I've confidence in your abilities. |
 *nowhippedcreamonmyhead* 2007-10-01 . chapter 1 Nice and interesting idea. As you said the first chapter is kind of slow, so I am waiting for some action :) |
 kiki 2007-09-30 . chapter 1 interesting... um... is he going to find love? |
 Will 2007-09-30 . chapter 1 I think that this is a solid start to a very good story. The only things I think I would change is to give a bit more detail about the lands the story takes place in so that you do not have to keep adding (and trying to remember everything) as you go. All of the professional authors I have talked to always said that remembering what they have written is the hardest part so that if something is red they do not change it blue and so on. Also you may want to think on adding a bit more detail into things such as why the knight is offering saffron spice and is it a costly offering or just the best he could do. Other than that it is flowing very well and I like the creativity you show here. |
 PJ 2007-09-30 . chapter 1 I loved it! Please keep going with the writing. It sounds similar but not the same as the knights in Dragonlance, which is a series I adore! Nice work. |