Reviews for Orthodox Legends - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Orthodox Legends

Discipulus 2008-02-06 ch 1,	abuseI do really like your story so far Disturbly. A good way to take reader attention off of the main characters, and what flaws they may have, is to introduce some villains! Some nasty folk to distract the reader whilst you work some magic behind the scenes to make our heroine more viable etc. Good luck with it Disturbly and remember, "It takes more than one nut to make peanut butter." sagenods
Discipulus 2007-11-16 ch 3,	abuseYour own pros and cons cover a lot of what I might have said about your story. Making the main character more interesting, rather than a viewport for the reader, is important to make your story more 'viable' and a good story to go several chapters with. I laughed openly, waking several roomates, when I read the line where Christian recognizes Sam. Great job and I'd like to see some more soon if you would be so willing to spend time on it Disturbly.
J. Stearns 2007-10-03 ch 3,	abuseFinally, a well-written superhero story! I thought I'd never see the day! What we've got here is a story entertaining in its own right, with the first part diving headfirst into more-or-less uncensored comedy that is much needed for the people of our day, then with the second part taking a drastic turn into darkness, action, and just overall horror. To include the best of both genres—comedy and horror—into one single story is something that's considerably rare, especially in a superhero story, and thus you are to be commended. Samantha is, by far, a fascinating character, if only that she's female and she's a superhero (or is it superheroine?). Now I'm not saying that she's the first woman to don a pair of tights and go gallivanting around dangerous streets looking to dish out some girl-power justice, but it is interesting to see someone have all the cares and worries of a woman—and I loved, by the way, the stereotype of "carrying boxes"—and still decide that she's capable of kicking butt. Also, she's not one to reject help from the opposite sex, which is definitely something positive to consider: she's confident, believes in equality, but isn't a raving feminist looking to dismember any man who makes an offer. As you already stated in your author's note following the conclusion of chapter two, Samantha works at the reader's proxy. It's pretty clear that she's introducing to this world and all the weird, quirky, and grotesque things about it. However, there is one thing that bothers me: when Christian (I'll get to reviewing his character in a bit) leaps out the window, we're left in empty unfulfilled suspense of what exactly he did out there, and we're given no explanation except from Trent who says simply, "He does that sometimes." If I were to approach this from the angle of one who knew this was a superhero story (a.k.a. the superhero-genre label was plastered all over this in a magazine), I'd be inclined to think that Christian went flying. Of course, this obviously raises some questions for the audience: wouldn't Samantha ask him "how'd ya do that" despite the fact that she might've seen a flying human being before? The point is that, since she's introducing us to the world of the fantastic, she'd almost have to question the possibility of defying reality like that, and thus you could bring in and explain the concept of mutants—or metahumans or whatever you call them—for us to understand. Then again, if I didn't approach this glancing at the superhero label, I wouldn't question Christian's stunt so much: I'd then be inclined to think that he likes to scale buildings like a monkey. Sure, the behavior's freakish, but it's not "super". And whilst we're on the subject of Christian, I'd like to officially say that the guy is hilarious! He's not afraid to say what he thinks, in both contexts of his life: the "wet dream" line was classic. Frankly, I didn't find him flat at all, even after you mentioned your distaste of his characterization. I regard his "irreverent badass" attitude to be quite amusing, especially since he does it to the point where it's sure to put him at odds with his friends (not to mention people who don't know him). The great thing about a character like Christian is that he's the personification of conflict: no matter what situation he or the other characters are in, something is bound to go wrong from something he says or does. He's not a finite character, limited to only fitting in certain parts of the story. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that he can make any point in the story more interesting: [QUOTE] "How the hell should I know?" Christian rejoined. "I'd have to listen to you, and that would mean taking in a whole lot of PC crap about Marcus Garvey, and Sojourner Truth, and **... Uncle Ben... And don't let this guy tell you I'm some kind of racist," he warned, turning to Samantha. "I'm 'post-politically correct'. I'm kind of like Carlos Mencia. Except actually funny." [/QUOTE] That was my favorite line! Even though I'm a big fan of Carlos's material, I could appreciate the joke, just as Carlos himself would. Anyway, moving on... Trent was the only one who's so far received very little characterization. At best, he seems like little more than a foil for Christian, which by its own right is perfectly okay but it doesn't make he stand out. I think Trent has the capacity for being memorable, but you just haven't showed us anything on that yet. I presume that, if you were to continue this little venue, you most certainly would, now that readers know (by this point, anyway) that, if there's more to Christian than meets the eye, there's probably more to Trent too. There's not much I can say on the ambiguous John Merlin, other than the obvious, which you've stated already. In a more analytical approach to his character, Merlin strikes me as a man who's got a clear sense of empowering people to fight back against the pain in their lives, even if it means fighting back for them. He seems to be the "new father" in Samantha's life, although whether he'll actually be a better one than the departed is moot (...for now). Even in the flashbacks, you gave a clear picture of what John Merlin was like while still remaining necessarily ambiguous about him: after all, the story's about Samantha, not her mentor, so we're only allowed to take so much interest in him. Concerning style and writing-format, this story was actually well done and I enjoyed the varied language (such as "the now mute woman" and "the masked man "), but I have to admit that it did get a little redundant after a while: it's pretty clear that Trent's huge and tall, so you don't need to reiterate that point several times by calling him a "colossus", "mammoth", "behemoth", or some other large figure each time he speaks or reacts. Point being, variety's good and all, but simplicity goes a long way when trying to connect to your readers. Oh, and just because I'm saying this, don't expect me to be some kind of expert on writing: I mean, granted, I have a superhero story of my own on fictionpress, but it's nowhere near as exciting as this one, at least in my mind. Regardless, I definitely enjoyed reading this piece and was glad to have learned a great many things. I hope my review helped, and thank you for sharing!

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