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| Princess-anna57 2007-12-20 ch 1,  | abusePowerful poem and well written. Well done. Write on. ~Anna~ |
| Italianpryde 2007-11-26 ch 1, | abusehey Queen Vixta this is a beautiful poem... i can see that it is really raw and personal to you and i really like it a lot! by the way i just wanted to let you know that i used to be MeAgAiNsTtHeMuZic44 and that i got a new name because i lost mine! i signed up again and immediatedly thought about you and was wondering how you were doing... you gave me so many fantastic reviews and such... but anyways this is a beautiful piece and i think you should submit it! |
| simpleplan13 2007-11-16 ch 1, | abusethats really sad and beautifully described... I can totally relate to a lot of it.. I like how you have all those questions.. great job |
| FunkyFlower16 2007-11-02 ch 1, | abusehmm... i dont think you should enter this one for the comp since it doesnt really reflect ur true ability. i.e. the rhyming seems a bit forced in places, and the flow isnt very... flowing, lol. err... does it have to be about a shy girl? i mean, there are plenty of your other poems that are really good, such as 'heartache and harm' and 'panic', which i thought were great. but of course, it's up to u. if u want to enter this one, i'd suggest u work a little on the rhyming and flow, and perhaps include commas? that'd make it a lot easier to read. on a more positive note, i think the rhetorical questions and the directness of the poem definitely makes people empathise with the girl. ... oh, and love the last line! it's a great way to end it, so keep that :) take care ;) -mez- |
| Becky 2007-10-02 ch 1, anon. | abuseAww that was really sweet Vikki :) Good luck with your comp. Beccy XX |
| The Maltese Falcon 2007-10-01 ch 1, | abuseHi QueenVixta, For a personal expression this is fine but for a competition, I'd say it needs some work. For a start, it seems some of your lines turned out that way just to fit into your rhyming scheme. If that doesn't quite fit properly I'd rather you do away with the ryhmes and express your feelings as is. Having said that, some of your rhyming pairs are great like 'Sound/Background', 'Confidence/Silence' pair is a bit weak but not bad, but the 'healing' line while rhyming perfectly is kind of odd in comparison to the other 3 (all relating to looking/knowing) - maybe you can consider changing that 4th line. One other thing is in your second stanza - "While she finds her confidence?" isn't really a question on its own but more of a continuation of the previous line, so that should be: "Can you tell her you can wait for her While she finds her confidence?" Finally your ending is great but you are repeating the "shy girl" ending twice, i'd suggest: "Because no one understands the shy girl Who wants to hide deep within her fantasy. So unless you really try, you will never know her: You will never know the real me." In any case these are just ideas, at the end these are your verses... and i still loved the message |
| DiaRose 2007-10-01 ch 1, | abuseBeen there, done that. I suspect we have a lot in common! Very good. Love, ~Dia |