FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Ratava100d 2008-03-22 ch 4,  | abuseGreat working sis. Cant you continue it? Please?!? |
| livinXtheXdreamX 2008-03-21 ch 4, | abuseAwesome, awesome, awesome beginning! I really like this story,you've got a real good start on it. I'm really curious to see how people react to her coming back after 8 years and what will happen between her and Steffan. Keep posting! |
| Sonya Elizabeth 2008-01-25 ch 1, | abuseI would definately say that you're strongest area in writing is in imagery, and definately helping the reader connect with the characters. However, you might want to proofread for grammar mistakes, i found many. Also, you might want to use italics to show when a person is thinking, and start another paragraph when a different person either talks or thinks something. Other than that, great work. |
| Pamina Rose INC. 2007-11-30 ch 1, | abuseI'm intrigued! keep writing! |
| Fallen-Agent 2007-11-30 ch 2, | abuseThe story has a great start. I cant wait till you update again:) |
| life on rewind 2007-10-02 ch 1, | abuseWow! First things first, I really liked this piece and the description expressed in it. I think you did a marvellous job of portraying the children as CHILDREN and not as some crazy, super-intelligent weirdos and the writing all flowed nicely. However, I would set out one or two tips below: COMMAS. Please, remember your commas. I, as most writers on FP, hate bad grammar and commas are hard to remember because MS Word rarely corrects them. ““Uh yeah”” – “Uh, yeah,” … comprendez-vous? Don’t forget to start a new line when someone is speaking! The last thing I want to say [other than that, brilliant writing], is that six seems to me too young to go on adventures. I myself only wanted to play computer games or read books at six [right little nerd I was] and I wouldn't have been capable of fleeing from pursuers, outwitting adults or surviving in a strange land; I'd be dead before I could blink if someone wanted to kill me. Maybe you should raise their age? It seems too unrealistic otherwise. Brilliant cliffhanger! Thank you for posting this! Maybe you wouldn’t mind checking out a few of my writings too if you feel like it? If you do, I recommend my rants. I hope the concrit helped! Sakura. |