Cool chapter. At first I was bit confuse with beginning. Yet after rereading it. I understand what you had wrote. Can't wait for the next chapter.

Aww that was cute. Yumeko was really shaken up by the nightmare. It also seen Yumeko got really jealous by Kasumi action toward Morpheus. I'm not sure if the two will get along? Well I can't wait until the next chapter.

I really like how you're setting things up. You're revealing a little at a time with regard to the background. That's cool. I think I'm coming to understand things a little more, I can't wait to see what you have in store for the later chapters!

Great chapter. I hope Yumeko will use to Morpheus surprises. Can't wait until the next chapter.

Yay an update
Things are starting to get interesting
I was kind of confused by the part with Rikka and Kazuo. Maybe I'll send you a private message so I don't end up giving away spoilers or something.
Great work

Great chapter.

Love the chapter. I saw a lot of improvement. Can't wait for the next chapter. Oh yeah. I also updated "16th Birthday Not So Normal".

Well, after reading the first chapter, I'd say you have few things that need improving. Skipping the problem with speech and paragraphs (which I'm sure someone already pointed out), you should really sacrifice more time for descriptions.
As it is now, this story seems to be dialogue-based and all descriptions are basically one phrase long. When they do come up, they seem, no offense, rather childish and simple. Don't get me wrong, I always follow the rule that what makes a good story are plot and characters, however the form they're presented in should not be done too... simply.
Try sacrificing more time for descriptions, make the story 'live' outside the dialogue. I'm not saying you should make overly long descriptions or give such everywhere, but it'd be good to have these at least from time to time. Story based on dialogue is not really a story, but a play.
Another thing is the flow of the story. For most part of this chapter I had a feeling this is sorta random, jumping from one scene to the other, seemingly none being the result of the previous. This might've been less annoying if the scenes would last longer, but most of them were merely few lines long.
I advice that you limit unnecesarry scenes to the minimum.
Sorry if what I wrote above offended you, for that was not my aim. I'm merely offering you some constructive criticism, hoping it'll help you improve. What you do with it is up to you.
Good luck with future chapters and have a great day.

Yay! You updated! I don't think Yumeko did all that bad for the first time :) You did a lot better in this chapter as far as more descriptions and stuff. Anyways, keep up the good work!

Good chapter, things are shaping up!

interesting. Can't wait for the next chapter.

Oh I really like your story as far as plot development goes! I don't really have any suggestions, everyone else really good ideas. Maybe I could say that you could be a little more descriptive for instance Morpheus' appearance, maybe some more on what she Yumeko feels, but I dunno. Anyways, good story, can't wait to read more!

Okay, things are still building up, and that's good...some mangas are established as far as the story by now, but not necessarily.

Anyway, the only thing I have to say about this is paragraphing, and how to use them to help tell a reader when a time or distance gap has occurred.

For example...

'Yumeko shook herself away from her thoughts and quickly tried to finish...

When school was finally over, and her club meet had finished, she found herself walking home in the rain.'

For this, to signify that a whole schoolday has passed, I advise that you either insert some '-' between them or just make the spacing more.

In other words...

'Yumeko shook herself away from her thoughts and quickly tried to finish...

-

When school was finally over, and her club meet had finished, she found herself walking home in the rain.'

OR...well, just remove the '-' but keep the spacing!

Hope this helps! Still loving the story!

~SympleSymon

Okay, you said you'd try and change it and, in parts, you have...so for the rest of the show I'm just going to give you the benefit of the doubt and put it down to whatever word processor you're using not agreeing with FP's own online word-editor, so don't worry.

Anyway, got to say I LOVE the idea of Dream Keepers so far, and can see that Yumeko will have quite the task on her hands! Keep up the good work, can't wait to see what directions this adventure takes!

~SympleSymon

this story sounds interesting, and i feel like it is going to tie into a story i have been thinking of since i was 10, so that means i was thinking of it for 10 years. but i wanna see what you doo, update soon.
Thank you!

Ja-Ne =^_^=