Heart-wrenching. You describe the ache of loss so vividly. The poem is very beautiful. It is painfully true. I love the line: "This gaping hole can’t compare to the pang."

I don't know whether to applaud you or to slap you for making me feel this acute sadness and heartache all over again. :p But I'm only kidding. The poem is very beautiful. Great work.

Great writing with the potential to go far. Since it does have that potential, I’m sure you won’t mind some concrit:

Maybe you could consider lengthening your sentences, by using semicolons for example. Short sentences make the story sound a bit choppy, while longer ones make it flow nicely. Don’t make them TOO long however - you’ll never find your way out of them, otherwise!

Your poetry doesn’t have to be so structured – it’s called “free verse” for a reason :P Be more bold with your line breaks, go crazy with metre! You don’t have to break after every clause. Make use of breaking off incomplete sentences. Not every line has to be a sentence broken off by a comma and a full stop. Let it flow!

Thank you for posting this! Maybe you wouldn’t mind checking out a few of my writings too if you feel like it? If you do, I recommend my rants. I hope the concrit helped!

Sakura.

[Yes, I copy/paste most of my reviews. So sue me. The concrit changes per review, and you get tips, right? Win/win situation. End of.]