FictionPress.com - let the words flow
| FictionPress.com - let the words flow |
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| randompoetry 2007-10-04 ch 1,  | abuseso, this was actually pretty good. most of your rhyming is great, and i really liked the last stanza. but some of your rhymes seem weak and forced, for example 'Because all she wanted was fun, And she wanted her hair in a bun' i hated that line, i'm sorry. the first part is good, but the bun part isnt. i also like the 3rd stanza, the part about turning grey, veryy creative! anyway, thats just a little cc for you there, i hope you appreaciate it :) |