I wonder just how many people understood the underlying meaning behind the stanzas of effortless ;) done rhymes. A not so blunt poem of perfection, it is rather a work amazingly composed. Lovely.

Great writing with the potential to go far. Since it does have that potential, I’m sure you won’t mind some concrit [&you asked for it, so I WILL nitpick]:

Punctuation. It expresses places where you want the reader to pause and helps with flow and metre. If you dislike using punctuation, I respect that, but if you’re open to comments then maybe you should consider this one!

To quote my writing teacher, grammar, grammar, grammar! I assume you typed this out on MS word, correct? If you did, why, oh WHY did you not spell check it? If I read a piece, the first thing I’m put off by is chatspeak or bad grammar; I assume this goes for 99% of other readers on ficpress too. If you really need help with grammar, ask a friend to check it for you. Not spell-checking it makes it look rushed and like you don’t care about your writing. I assume you care, so check, check, check! Apostrophes!

Maybe you could format the poem into stanzas and remove the double spacing? It's a bit long otherwise, and reading it gets tedious. To remove DS, open up the document and hit backspace+shift at the beginning of each line.

Thank you for posting this! Maybe you wouldn’t mind checking out a few of my writings too if you feel like it and liked the review? If you do, I recommend my rants. I hope the concrit helped!

Sakura.

[Yes, I copy/paste most of my reviews. So sue me. The concrit changes per review, and you get tips, right? Win/win situation. End of.]