and you're killing me with last lines here.

yes.
that's all i can say.

I use a nail file in substitute for a razor blade.
The sting on the tongue feels nice when you lick it.

I hate myself more and more every day.

Wow. I can only begin to imagine how hard it must be for you to work through this, and I hope that you do well, because you seem like such an amazing person, and your writing is very good! You use figurative language very well and I hope to hear more from you =]

It is really good and descriptive. Your use of words is amazing to come up with the descriptions of cocaine, and how to do it. Good job.