FictionPress.com - let the words flow
| FictionPress.com - let the words flow |
|
| Home Just In Communities Forums Beta Readers Dictionary Search | Login Register Extras |
| The Reverse Edge Blade 2007-10-12 ch 1,  | abuseI liked the setup of the poem, and how you ended each verse with the same line. I liked the message in the poem and how you'd written your feelings! Keep at it and write more! The Reverse Edge Blade |
| AluminumMuse 2007-10-06 ch 1, | abuseWoe. I was required to write one of these for school once. Anyways, here goes. I am a creative idealist. I wonder is anyone really happy? -- This seems less idealist and more pessimistic. The two lines don't match. I feel like running away. -- Rather cliche. Blah blah blah... I pretend to care about meaningless issues; I feel like running away. I worry about where our world is headed; -- Are you saying that you think wondering where the world is going is a meaningless issue? A bit confusing. Other than that, though, cute, simple, and the rythme is nice. Feather La |
| axlaru 2007-10-06 ch 1, | abuseWonderful. |
| Barrister Disaster 2007-10-06 ch 1, | abuseIts always intrestimg reading something from you. Your poem is lyrical indeed. But u see there is a great difference btw a poem, a story and a song. Ur lines are rythmic i must commend u on that, but the truth is they are prosaic in nature. To make a good poem u have to write beyond wat on ordinary person will say in a speech. for example "I wonder is anyone really happy?" that was too ordinary. just rephrase it so that it will sound poetic like the other lines in that satanza. "I want to stop and hear the silence;" is the best line u got there. that was very poetic, thats wat am talking about. "I pretend to care about meaningless issues;" very bad, pls rephrase it to sound poetic. infact the whole of ur 2nd stanza is too much of a daily speech than a poem. now with these check ur third stanza ur self. Keep Writing. |