Reviews for Denizen - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Denizen

TWaR 2008-01-11 ch 3, anon.	abuseCohen's coming to lop your head off. But travel from the Counterweight Continent can be lengthy and result in... interesting times. For shame. Keep on updating.
Zebbie 2007-12-09 ch 4,	abusehello! i've read it properly now! it's getting really 'Hitchhiker'-like! nice. this chapter's a little slow to get into though - the shopping trip feels completely off tangent and irrelevant. Still fun, but less so because you're trying to find the point, and then it gets better when you have zamiel and the library back in the narrative flow, and it's sorta 'ah! Yeah, Ok. I remember how this goes (feeling-wise)' You know... this isn't making much sense at all is it? Was any of that an actual sentence? Regardless - I hope you have more written - I'm quite excited about the other world! Sorry this is so off and rambley! Oh - on a small, pernickerty note - keep an eye on your grammar and correct word usage. Sometimes you've used words that don't quite mean what you want them to mean, or do, but don't work in that situation. That sounds really horrible, doesn't it? I only bring it up because it's really minor, but also impinges on general enjoyment of the story. Did you get Ochlocracy finished? Take care, Zeb
Zebbie 2007-11-09 ch 3,	abuseOh. I like the Butterfly idea. Nicely original (I think, anyway!) Zamiel's nice. I have a worry though - do you have a clear idea of the other world and what's going to happen there etc, because whenever I try this kind of thing, the story shrivels and dies as soon as they set foot in the other world, even if I think I know what they're doing there and what it's like. Also the list of characters for transportation - how needed is that? It feels odd that you're reserving a space for Sache when you've only just met him and he has no real link to this. m - maybe that's just me! Anyway, still enjoying it and looking forward to seeing where you take it! Zeb
Zebbie 2007-10-30 ch 2,	abuseHello, just thought I'd let you know that your Haku is now a officially a girl in my head and is no longer a Haku. Enjoying the randomness. Would try to guess your references, but have never read either! This increasingly reminds me of Douglas Adams. Eagerly awaiting next update! Zeb
Zebbie 2007-10-09 ch 1,	abuseAh - this is the story you were meaning. I got intrigued and came to check out your writing (which I'm sure was your devious plan all along!). Really like the concept and the way the story flows. Good style and nice pace. Your main character... I see your problem. You've given... them (ouch - plural for singular?).. both male and female attributes and probably either would fit. I read it as a guy straight off, but that might be because I've been reading/writing too much slash lately and have issues writing strong female characters myself (unless they're pretending to be a guy) and so that might just be coming across. I don't know (feminists shoot me here), if 'it' is a she, then she wasn't very girly and the mention of girlfriends would make the reader assume lesbianism, which while being all gravy leaves two very nice possible love interests/ distractions all high and dry (New Guy and Adam). (wait - is this even romance? Sorry if it isn't - I expect all stories of every genre to have love interests and get disappointed if they don't, unless they have plots that get you thinking too much to care, like Agatha Christie or something..) And names? Don't ask me about names. Names torture me, though I can recommend if you have a vague idea of what you want. Ok... this is a long review...Hope it was slightly helpful at least! Really enjoying reading so far, so I hope you continue! Take care, Zeb
Amei666 2007-10-08 ch 1,	abuseHm, this seems really interesting. At first I was confused if it was fiction or not because I thought you were talking from YOUR point of view (with the cardboard box an' all) so I assumed your character was a girl. So, I guess you might want to make your character a female? Well, whatever works out best for you. As for a name, you may want to go to as it has plenty of names to choose from (sorting by origin or meaning) so that may help. I personally just make up a word when naming my characters but that's just me... By the way, when is this story set? I thought it was present time, but I'm also getting a feel that it's in the future... So, yeah...

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