Hey Bonnie!
You know, you're right - you can make grass growing sound interesting! I do have a suggestion though - the way this is presented in that HUGE paragraph is a little overwhelming, and I found it a tad difficult to follow the line of the story. Perhaps separate it out a little more? Regardless, a delightful little piece of prose-poetry!!
Lexie

oh very good point. a little gruesome, but i belive that it was nessisary for this peice i belive. good job!

Wow. The description on this was just amazing. Most of the lines are so powerful, and they linger in the mind for a long time. It's powerful stuff, and I look forward to seeing your stuff in the future :)

Hi, it's Huffle by the way =D. And no, I'm not stalking you, I saw the link to your fictionpress in your livejournal.

This is immense, I totally loved it! Really haunting and creepy, and your descriptions are fantastic. I especially liked 'Yet the world would barely register this injustice, and the grass would keep growing. Always.'. Totally sticks out in the mind.

I love it. Strange, it seems original and very familiar at the same time. Like it's some deep truth that has always been lurking just out of sight, a danger hidden just beneath the water's surface. And yes, I am turning this review into a piece of over-written poetry to cheer my ego.

anyway, very nice. too young to die is a bit clliched, true, but sometimes cliches are more effective.

keep it up!

Heya, It's heir to the Blacks from

I just wanted to say, this story is awesome!! Serious it had me sucked in straight away. I loved it.

I showed Nikkie, who is obbssessed with this sorta writing. And she loved it too.

Awesome job!

storyt sucks

very good. wonderful descriptions and imagery. very thought out! nice! fran ~*~