Oh, how adorable! Simple, cute, and adorable. :D:D This left me smiling.

That's cute. It would be good as a song too, as someone else pointed out.

Brilliant indy! It's really good, you can really set up a great atmosphere! Are you gonna carry on? It would be a good romance story, but it would still be as good if it was just a one-off. It's your choice! Either way, it's great!

I want that one day.

Well executed, they're almost like lyrics, have you thought of writing them into a song? Especially the last lines 'we lie there together, hand in hand, staring at the ceiling. Pretending to be asleep.' It's almost poetic and although you have to work on the meter and the sudden movement of her destroys the atmosphere somewhat (but that seems to be deliberate), but otherwise it's great.