awesome story.

I like it. Of course it has some errors, but we all make mistakes. May I say typing it on a word proccessor before uploading? -No matter. I can't wait to read more, so- off I go.

That ending was really disappointing. Ruined a good story...

What? OMG! You killed her!

You better write a sequel to this story! Lol

Great story, i loved it! didn't like the ending to much tho... but yeah hopefully you'll write a sequel and i can find out what happens next

Cheers
Michelle

How is this romance?
The prolouge doesn't match up with the ending. In fact, it is entirely misleading. I hope you don't think my reveiws are harsh, but this story needs some serious thought. Yiu need to rebuke it, make it longer, and put romance in it if you intend to continue keeping it in the romance section.

I'm sorry for being so harsh. I hope you don't take it personally. There are a lot of good aspects in your writing too, though.
~UnTiL nExT tImE~
~DaRkEnEd~

“Okay, thank you Ms. Adams, Miss Adams, we’ll be going now
take out the second miss Adams and it will be fine.

Here's a comon misconception:
Vegans-don't eat, wear, use, associate etc., with animal products
Absolute vegitarians- don't eat any animal products
pesco vegitarians-eat fish, dairy, and eggs, but no red meat or chicken(me!)
other types of vegos, that eat eggs and dairy, but no fish etc.
Most people think that absolute vegitarians are vegans, but they aren't.

Your character actually seems more in the mid-twenties range, because of her behavior. She doesn't act like a teenage girl, so i forget while reading it that she's in school until the scene changes and she's in class.
~UnTiL nExT tImE~
~DaRkEnEd~

There are several gramatical errors, and your writing style is kinda plain. You don't describe much, and there are tons of repetitivly styled scentences. The dialouge just takes over, causing a very thin read.

Your idea IS very good, you just need to devolop the ideas a little more. I have the same problem, I write stuff off the top of my head.

Positive points:
your dialouge is AWESOME!
You stay incarachter very well.
~UnTiL nExT tImE~
~DaRkEnEd~

What a great ending. It was sad, yes, but very well done. Thanks so much for writing this story :)

Hope to read more from you in the future!

~Carm~

Okay, so I've been reading this whole thing--like the whole thing--eager for a new chapter. And it's not like I didn't like Arabella being 'killed;' that didn't bother me. I even thought the fact that Zander did it was an even better twist. However, it just happened so quickly, so abrubtly, that it lost the impact it would have had if you would have exucuted her death a different way.

Don't ask me how, because honestly, I don't know, but it just seemed too . . . random. and that much thought wasn't put into this, no offense. I mean, it seems like you just did it, just to write something. Because the beginning flowed easily, perfectly even, but towards the middle and end . . . eh.

But yeah, either way, make a sequel. I'd love a sequel.

So I'm going to put you on author alert list, so i can see if you're going to make a sequel. You should, btw. x3

please please make a sequel i lone this story please im begging u please

keep writing!

This story always manages to make me a happy happy person, with each and every update :) Great chapter. Can't wait for the next bit! And sorry I took so long to review!

~Carm~

The majority of the faults I found with your prologue and initial chapter reside in grammatical structure. Most people will pick up on those, though. If you'd prefer, I can go through and point out each mistake, but that would be pointless if you decide to act on what I'm about to address.

In order for you to stand out as a writer, your sentence structure itself needs a serious overhaul. That's not to say that it's bad, it's just more of the same. Ergo, if you can utilize some of the subtleties of sentence composition, then perhaps your story will evoke more emotion.

-ss.

This story just continues to amaze me. I love every bit of it! I hope to read more soon :)

~Carm~

PS
Nice review song! Haha!