Reviews for Forsaken - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Forsaken

DesperateWindsDoppelganger 2007-12-13 ch 2,	abuse=o Update, update, update, please! x3 I remember reading this story a long time ago...I'm guessing you re-uploaded it or something ^^; Because the uploaded date simple doesn't match with THAT long ago, and I swear I read more XD This is a great story so far, though, so I hope you post another chapter soon!
Ice Neko 2007-11-02 ch 2,	abuseOmg I cannot believe how long it took me to read and review this chapter XD My live is so busy. Oh man in that first bit about the Phantom Cathedral, I kept thinking about the Bone Chapel in Rome. Have you heard about this? Is a Chapel made out of the bones of the plague victims. My friends wanna go see it XD Personally I would be scared of all the angry spirits floating around in there. OMG Sseleman dies He is like one of my favorite characters next to Dimitri and Judah. I love that picture you drew of him..."The White Demon" I think it was called. Hahahahah claps I'm really enjoying Dimitri and Vaino, they are quiet amusing. I love how everyone wants him... claps again Brilliant chapter I much enjoyed it, though Dim getting his chest ripped open and all was kinda 'interesting' I loved the ending! cuddles Ssel I love him ^__^
Redemmo 2007-10-30 ch 2,	abuseWell, as you may have noticed, I have added you to my Favourite Authors list here. Also, since the review option has its own little pop-up window, I'm going to aim for getting the spelling errors as I see them. Here goes! "When are you going to learn to QUITE (should be quit) coming here on your own Father?" CURSING (cursing profanities is repetitive as they mean pretty much the same thing. Try something like 'Muttering' or 'Snarling'. Auctually, 'Cursing' without 'profanities' would work very well also) profanities under his breath, the assassin threw a pillow over his head in an attempt to block out the accursed light. And to further the UNPLEASANTRIES (unpleasantness would be a better word choice as it is an adjective) of his situation, he would have a real job soon, a day job. No personal boundaries, no shame, this man seemed to be missing a marble or two. (An OK sentence, but you could use a different word choice to make it clear that Vaino is 'missing a marble or two' BECAUSE he has no boundaries and no shame. My suggestion: With no personal boundaries and no shame, this man seemed to be missing a marble or two. “If he was the one, he wouldn’t be sitting in a PILE (blood is a liquid, so it's a pool of blood) of his own blood.” You will be mine love" he snarled back at the seemingly lifeless body. (Little grammatical point - there has to be some kind of punctuation at the end of a quote. If it's not '.' '?' or '!', then put in a comma.) “will you my love? We are bound by words that leave you powerless.” (Will should be capitalized as the quote before it ended in a period.) ...no response. (The '...' in this case in unecessary and slightly annoying. The 'No respone' is fine by itself.) "What makes you sure I don't know Emil?" Sseleman held the priest even more protectively as the blind man's name. (You need to add something like 'as Dimitri spoke the blind man's name.') That's all for the errors and I have to say that I think this story is progressing excellently with the introductions of Gaiyah and Sseleman. To quote Mcdonald's, I'm lovin' it, so please update again soon! Redemmo
Jaws-ryu-ookami 2007-10-28 ch 1,	abuseAh, please update this! It intrigues me. Mwahahaha. Ha. -Jawsinator
Sabby 2007-10-25 ch 1, anon.	abuseI think you should write more. Like, now. ler j/k ^-^ Hope to see more soon though!
kiki 2007-10-10 ch 1, anon.	abuseso this is horrow/romance?
xanthofile 2007-10-09 ch 1,	abuseamusing and clashing, it was just smooth and stark enough to keep me going. laughs now i feel like I'M talking like Vaino.

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