Reviews for Harsh Scenes of Distant Stars

Reviews For: Harsh Scenes of Distant Stars

E.S. Lundgren 2007-10-26 ch 4,	abusei like this, it's very mysterious. interesting stuff. do continue...
Dellarose 2007-10-25 ch 4,	abuseOH GOD! I love the Dante references and the Greek Mythology (okay, the Elysian) references. I want some more, please! The imagery is all dark and moody and apocalyptical—yes, apocalyptical. I LOVE IT. Write more, and I'll love you forever.
KurenaiYume 2007-10-24 ch 4,	abuseLet's see, I'm going to review each chapter and highlight points about that I liked, and what you could improve on - if there is any. But first off, my honest opinion about this story is easily summed up in three words: Keep writing it! For Chapter One, you do an excellent job grabbing the reader's attention, while providing a very picturesque, descriptive image of the entire setting. Your choice of words really fits with the theme, except for a few, but someone already reviewed it. Overall, I really like it, and if there is something wrong with it, I seriously don't see it. Great job! For Chapter Two, there are a few spelling, odd choices of word, and grammar problems, but it really only needs a good revision just to iron those things out. Character-wise, there isn't too much to say about it, except for Eden who is probably a very accurate portrayal of how someone would realistically act in that situation. Like the previous chapter, the setting is vivid, clear, and intense with really strong detail. Good work with this one. For Chapter Three, it's...really short compared to the last two. The best part, if I had to pick one, would have to be that short dream sequence since it is vague, detailed with quite a bit of foreshadowing, especially with the two Eden's. Your prose, however, just...doesn't flow as well, unlike the last two I think. It might be due to the lack of detail overall. Try adding just a little bit more to this since it does feel a little rushed. Also, I think I was a little confused if the Gho was actually talking or not, but my guess is that it's the voice from before. For Chapter Four, this reminded me so much of a scene from the Gunslinger by Stephen King, between Roland and the Oracle I believe. Probably because of the Elysian and her dialogue. Anyways, this chapter is really good in that it shows a little bit of Eden character's with a bit of the mysterious Elysian, who acts somewhat like an Oracle of sorts, if she isn't one already. I really like the way you foreshadow here, being generally vague and all, but I think you should have been a lot more vague about it. For this story though, it works perfectly. I can't think of anything to say about improving, but I'll look more deeply into your next chapter. Good job! That should be it! If you have any questions about any of this, send me a message, and I'll reply as soon as possible!
Sekhra 2007-10-24 ch 4,	abuseHmm... interesting. I'm wondering what the significance of Eden's rejection of Elysian is, and what her words mean. This chapter was a little choppier than the others, maybe just because you didn't proofread as much? And, for my last observation, nice name choice. Elysian came from the fields of Elysia, correct? Or was it just a coincidence?
RandomActs 2007-10-24 ch 4, anon.	abuseYowser! Such sudden deepness! What a hook! I'll be back for more! I am enjoying the deepening of Eden's character and am intrigued by the woodland nymph but would have loved more of a physical description! Good work...
Twilight Starr 2007-10-20 ch 3,	abuseDramatically written chapter. Good job though! Have a wonderful day. ~Twilight Starr~
Leinnansidhe 2007-10-19 ch 3,	abuseJesus, Allah, Buddha! This was a really interesting chapter. Character background and development is yummy. I'm really, really loving how complex Eden as a character seems so far. 'Tis sexcellent! Whoo. Typo. Haha, I'm keeping that one in. And the Gho thing is really nifty, fer cereal. And the chapter was short and sweet, you covered good depth in it with a small amount of time, which ends up being harder than a long chapter, I think. Yay! Write more!
sl 2007-10-19 ch 1, anon.	abuseAbout your summary... -"futily" should be "futilely" -I think you can get rid of the word "scared" because you already have the word "terrified"
Sekhra 2007-10-18 ch 3,	abuseOh, I adore this. While I can't really tell you what I think of the plot, since it hasn't developed yet, I'm very much looking forward to said development. Call me crazy, but your world and creatures-- especially the Gho-- remind me of Miyazaki movies, that sort of ethereal mood, you know? I'm sad that your entries are so short, because I want to know more about the world and Eden! Please continue.
Twilight Starr 2007-10-16 ch 2,	abuseGood chapter. I'd like to see more. ~Twilight Starr~
Twilight Starr 2007-10-16 ch 1,	abuseInteresting beginning. I like the title. It's unusual, but great. ~Twilight Starr~
Leinnansidhe 2007-10-14 ch 2,	abuseLove it love it love it love it love LOVE IT. The intensity in this chapter is glorious and I love your descriptions. Your word choice is wonderful. And, by the way, I love the name Eden on a boy. On a girl, it's cool, but on a guy... it's pure awesome. Write more~!
Leinnansidhe 2007-10-12 ch 1,	abuseBwaa~! Love it. Sorry I have't reviewed lately, I've been up to my ass in real life. I love your descriptions thus far, I'm getting a very clear picture, as if I'm more watching it than reading it. Your choice of words is lovely. Once again, you wow me. You seem to be very good at that! :D Keep it up, dahlink!
SamanthaNicole 2007-10-10 ch 1,	abuseFirst off, let me start by saying that this is a really interesting beginning. Also, stories about the apocalypse are always exciting, so I'm eager to see where you go with this. Also, it is will-written and thought out, and I'm very interested to hear more about Eden. A few thoughts: x. In the second line, I was a bit thrown off by the use of 'braying.' According to my dictionary, braying is the sound a donkey makes, or a high-pitched laugh. Did you possibly mean 'baying?' You may want to consider using a different word here, that's all :-) x. I love the name Eden. LOVE it. Though it's most often used with females, I think it's great that in your story, Eden just so happens to be a man. x. 'overhear lights' should be 'overhead lights' x. "...punctuate the din; beacon of human..." I'd maybe add an 'a' right after the semicolon. It seems a bit fragmented otherwise. x. "It’s flesh rippled and twitched..." 'It's' should not have an apostrophe. x. "The decadence of the hospital, with its moaning pipes and peeling paint, shocked his nerves." I'm not sure if 'decadence' is the right word here. Decadence implies finery and beauty, and moaning pipes and peeling paint don't really fit with that image. If you want to keep it, maybe say 'grotesque decadence.' Or something to that effect. x. The style you write with is very beautiful and fluid. I love your word choice and language. Good for you. This sounds promising. Keep up the good work! Cheers, Sammy
Raining Devastaiton 2007-10-10 ch 1,	abuse.

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