Oh, wow. I love your style- and trust me, I'm picky about style. You don't go too far into descriptions, yet everything... I can visualize all of it. And it's a sort of surprise ending. When she gives the song, you expect that she's going to succeed, but then the snake says the thirst is unquenched. I believed she maybe had another song of some sort, but no. She gave herself, and that really shocked me! I don't think there's a single thing in there that you should change- I love it all.