i liked it and when i get more time i will read the other chapters so yeah.

u suck losar just give up riting FOREEVER

Just one thing...

"Maybe you were talking too much." Julian giggled from the doorway,

NO! BAD RAIN! (or whatever you changed your name to) Guys do NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, giggle! NO! BAD!
Anyway...
I like how things are turning out, but a little history would have been very nice. I like how you are using different races similar to humans, as not many people do that nowadays. I'm moving to the next chapter, and as for why the last two reviews didn't show up...FP glitched (again) and now I can't post them because it says I already have.

-Tyro

There's a lot about this story I like: the imagery is very strong, characters seem interesting and dialogue is naturalistic. I'm a little confused about the "universe" the story inhabits and about what's going on exactly, but would definitely like to read more. Keep going!

hey, I really like it. It sounds really cool, although a little more insight into the plot of the story might be better. Maybe the whole explanation of what's going on in chapter 1 thing is just something i do, but I think it can be a very effective tool for drawing people in. About your review swap, don't review me just yet. I am working on getting a new story up, and I'll PM you when it is up. But yeah, great job

So far, good start. I know that it's hard to get a story started, but not personally, since I create new stories like it's a bodily function. I think that this is good, if a little bland. It makes sense what is going on, but a lot of the words are used multiple times. I know this is your first story, but I still have to say something about this.
-Tyrammafar the Worldmaker