Reviews for Ivy Princess - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Ivy Princess

Einri Cade 2008-06-08 ch 1,	abuse1. (EXCERPT) In the earliest of memories they would cluster around her, wan ghosts in the shadows of the Tall House. (/EXCERPT) “the earliest of memories” sounds slightly too distant for the limited third-person narrative that you seem to be using. If there was a possessive “her” written in, , it would read closer to perspective. Perhaps “her earliest of memories” or “the earliest of her memories”? 2. (EXCERPT) tall enough to reach the bleeding skies of twilight (/EXCERPT) Um. Bleeding what? o_o 3. (EXCERPT) The lord who haunted the hills upon sundown and brought night on his heels. She would dream about him sometimes, of his cape with its trailing flame-tongues and his face aglow with a light that blinded her. (/EXCERPT) He sounds like the sun. Why does he bring nighttime? 4. (EXCERPT) fetch her at an abnormal hour, and even then it was a fleeting recollection. The sun was a blazing eye on a bright blue canvas (/EXCERPT) Why is that time during the day an abnormal hour? o_o I like your narration. It reads so much like a fairytale - except for older readers. And I like the hints at the darker aspects of the princess’s life, in-between her childish innocence and her growing awareness that something was wrong. And I also like that she doesn’t really find out. It leaves a chilling feeling that contrasts appealingly with the fairytale-like manner of the rest of the narration. Besides the bleeding earlier and the abnormality of the hour that wasn’t really clearly presented, I can’t find anything else blatantly wrong and or odd-sounding with this story. ;P
Chris Rhyanne 2008-06-01 ch 1,	abuseI was browsing around and found this, and it was really good. I hope there's more to the story, and that this isn't a one-shot! This is very good though, and I hope you write more.
Lady of the Mirror 2008-05-29 ch 1,	abuseWow. stunned silence That was one of the most vivid stories I've read in a long, long time. Good job! =) The very first paragraph was a little awkward to read through but everything else was awesome! =) I loved it! Please update soon! I can't wait until I find out what happens to Ivy. ~~Lady of the Mirror~~
TheStars 2008-05-28 ch 1,	abusewhat a great story so far you really are a talented writer you are going to write more chapters, arent u?? why does she have to be sacrificed though? that part confused me write more soon PLEASE
Rayne Boe 2008-05-26 ch 1,	abuseOh wow! I'm not even sure where to start! I think I might as well just start at the beginning. :) I love how you introduce the story. It's so mysterious and the imagery is so nicely worded that it just drew me in. I like Ivy. She's strong-willed but also naive and innocent; it also makes me worry about her fate--since she's a sacrifice and all. ): She's very much like a fairytale princess. :) I also like Leitha and Basil's roles in the story and especially how Leitha appears at the beginning and the end at the same sort of ritual-like-thing but the portrayal of her character changes completely in that time. I loved how you used "mechanic words" near the end and how all the stories and everything are described as more mechanical as the chapter continued to that point. :) Speaking of which, I loved how Ivy just intuitively responded to Basil that a true princess never fears, showing just how much Leitha's stories have affected her as well as her yearning to do her purpose. Her purpose, however, is never explicitly stated, and it doesn't seem like Ivy has much more of a clue than we do. :) Oh the suspense! I also like how, while it sort of mimics a fairytale, the story itself doesn't read much like one of the simple ones we see in books--except for only certain parts, which are probably on purpose, and universal themes--and is much, much darker than fairytales should be. I also love how all the conversations presented in the earlier part of the chapter come together again at the end. It definitely added to the overwhelming sense of doom. :) The last line, however, I felt was a bit out of place because it sounded like it was beginning something new and then just sort of cut off (since it mirrors a line earlier in the story that led the story up until the end). Overall, I thought your diction, vocabulary, and sentence structure were all pretty amazing. :) I really like this story and I'm very curious to see where you'll be heading with it. This is a great piece of work so far. :) ~Rayne Boe
Teffie 2008-05-26 ch 1,	abuseThis is really good! I can't find anything to correct. You repeated the phrase "an abnormal hour," but that may have been intentional. Your writing style is very fluid and poetic. I really like this, in case you couldn't tell! I hope you update soon!
Narc 2008-05-26 ch 1,	abuseYou did an amazing job with this of setting the suspense. You've set it up so that the reader knows just a little bit more than Ivy, but not much. We understand that she's a sacrifice of some kind, but that's about it. I love how you portrayed her care-takers. Their actions suggest caring and loving, but everything hints that they're just the opposite. I want to see where this is going. I assume this isn't a one-shot.
Tawny Owl 2008-05-26 ch 1,	abuseThat was incredibly sinister, more so because at the end you don't find out what really happens. Is there going to be more? I'd be interested to read it, although the ending as it stands is still quite satisfying. I enjoyed the fact that you have created a world with traditions and characters, but still keep us in the dark about a lot of other things. I especially liked your description of the king of the silent mountains - it was very evocative.
A Wandering Thought 2008-05-26 ch 1,	abuseI liked this. It reads like a sinister fairy-tale. Very intriguing. I hope you continue.
Kairav 2008-04-14 ch 1, anon.	abuseI really enjoyed the first chapter of this piece. I would love to read more. I will continue to check back.
stardustfaery 2008-03-17 ch 1,	abuseIt is a sort of poetry in a way, and that is what you must be careful of if this is to be a story. Good job of presenting the story plot. This girl is an interesting charachter; naive yet opiniated and strong-willed. I hope this is what you were aiming for. I also hope you do not mind criticsm.
snakesmyle 2008-02-28 ch 1,	abusePlease write more of this! I'm fascinated.
Erick100 2007-10-15 ch 1,	abusei liked it and i would like to know more about her. What kind of person she is and yada yada yada.
Ramenluver 2007-10-15 ch 1,	abuseWow...you used what little words you wrote very effectively. Loved it, hon. So...when do you think you will update? :)
Frosthold 2007-10-15 ch 1,	abuseoh! That was so cool. Your use of descriptive language is very good! However, I wish I saw a bit more in the main character, she seems a bit dull. But I know you were probably going for a more fairytale-esque theme so I suppose you could hold off on this for a little while. Just something to keep in mind as you keep writing. -Frost

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