SWEET!

The plot is quite intriguing.
I can't wait to read more ;)
x reeka

So far I really love this story, its amazing!! I sure hope that you update the next chapters soon, its really great!

Two lives in one person...I love the plot line! It's quite amusing to read the story and have your mind try to switch back and forth trying to remember and understand who's who. Keep up the terrific writing!

I LOVE THE STORY :D
PLEASE UPDATE!?!!
And Caerleon, who will she fall
in love with? Maybe a king? (one
of the others)

This story is really amazing.
At first, it seemed odd, but I'm growing to really like it.
It reminds me of Alanna, the story by Tamora Perice.

The father is mad. His daughter is cataching his insanity, but now it seems like she is growing more sane as each chapter is posted.

Please keep writing this.

And if you ever need any help a long the way, I would be glad to do so. Good luck!

Hm...Let me think. Definitely Caerleon's plan is not the most desirable, as it perpetuates a pretty wretched political system in return for her personal freedom. Considering I can't help but think she won't do that anyway, I'll wait to see the ending before passing judgement. Meanwhile, I think the idea of the Serce is developing well, although until I know exactly what the Serce is and what it can do, I will remain sceptical about including it in the story. Unless more is introduced in the story, to readers it may seem as the only hope for a "happy ending" (if a happy ending is what you're aiming for). Leaving the fate of the world up to some mystical power is both an exciting aspect and part of the charm of fantasy stories, after all, but also a potential trap. I mention this because this Serce del seems weirdly disconnected to everything else.
Also, I'm kinda sad no actual romance has developed yet. Like barely a hint. I'm surprised Caerleon was able to kiss Jareth and show little to no indication that she felt anything from doing so. Granted, it certainly is her steadfastness that makes her such a likeable character, but it's a little unrealistic for her not to waver in the slightest in that aspect.
Am still hoping to continue reading. This has definitely captured my attention! I hope for the best :)

Oh I do like the way your characters interact. Marguerite definitely is one of my favs. You know, you could reall go far with this story if you thought of publishing it. I've mentioned before some rough spots but this is really exciting to read!

I liked the issue with the albatrosses, but the deal with the power sounds a wee iffy. I don't know, seriously? If I were Caerleon no matter how desperate I would start laughing and ask Noman to repeat himself. But perhaps that is because this chapters seems a little rushed in coming, so perhaps this will be explained in later chapters? Let me see. Hmm, I really should be doing homework :P

ahaha steampunk fantasy. I love that stuff too. but I'm a history buff and I have so much trouble trying to make it all sound realistic. Btw I like the interactions you have between your characters. Very charming and good or bad, they're really intriguing to read. I think though the fictional names you use for characters, etc. can sometimes be very conflicting to the whole fantasy industrial world you've got. You know, like the name Caerleon kind of conjures to mind a foresty, medieval fantasy world with unicorns and elves. Especially when everyone else's names are quite realistic. Oh well. In my head Caerleon is just Leon. Seriously.

lmao I read our profile and how you wrote this story to prove someone wrong about writing an original about a girl pretending to be a boy. I've never heard anyone say that before, and I'm doing just that too. Take that cynics.

This sounds really interesting! I like the unclicheness of Caerleon's personality, if you know what I mean. Personally I am quite feminist so these kind of woman-trumps-man stories generally appeal to me. It's hard to find such stories though. Well, this goes into my Favourites :)

I'm having a great time with this story! I'm so very happy with the Caerleon. I really love Jareth and hope that somehow they end up together. (Just have Caerleon end up as a girl with Jareth!) But I can't wait for the tenth chapter!

Y'know... I usually dislike childbirth openings. I think this one's an exception because of that great twist at the end -- but imo it's still a pretty boring opening. I pretty much skimmed until the wife-choosing scene, which is when things really got interesting. After that, I was pretty much hooked. (Though I was actually expecting the bride she chose to turn out to be a guy in drag. XP)

For the most part, I think I have no problem with the believability of the premise (it's one I've considered myself before). Some aspects are a little iffy -- the double identities and their, err, suspiciously similar names (I am going to have faith in you and assume that the other characters are suitably suspicious, but just not telling what they know yet/not playing that card yet). But for the most part they're not things that take me out of the story.

In terms of the gender issues, I'll admit I'm a little wary of the direction you may or may not take this in -- it's a fine line to tread when human sexuality is as complex as it is (imho, I think Caerleon's going to have to come to terms with BOTH sides of herself, not just one or the other -- but you do set this up, I think, with Marguerite vs. her father), and I'm *really* nervous about this degenerating into your typical fantasy romance -- but so far nothing's really triggered my alarms too much.

Hmm, I think the other thing that does strike me in particular is the king's characterization. It's a little vague, a little too black and white when I think it could be more nuanced -- I'm certainly not expecting Caerleon or Marguerite to like him or anything, but he seems to be a little too obviously set up as the bad guy in this mess. It'd be a more interesting story if he were, despite everything, at least somewhat more sympathetic than he is. (In that sense, I think the final scene of chapter 9 works quite well... whether intentionally or not, he does come off as slightly less of a illogical bastard than he does in his other scenes.) It would definitely help, for one thing, if there were some believable reason for the necessity to preserve the bloodline. (Believable in terms of the world you've set up. Like say, some secret magic that's inherited only through the bloodline, patronage from some higher power, whatever. Even if it's not necessarily "true" -- perhaps a commonly held superstition or something. But there needs to be *some* sort of reasoning behind it that doesn't make the king come off as completely stupid and/or irrational.)

I absolutely adore Caerleon and Marguerite's characterization, though. They're very strongly written. The attention to voice in your dialogue, especially. I also enjoy the whole tradition surrounding the rooks -- that's a nice bit of world-building, and you managed to weave that in with Caerleon's personal crisis very skillfully.

I'm not going to go into grammar/wording -- your prose is mostly okay with some minor issues, but I'm too lazy to nitpick. Sorry.

Mm -- I will mention one thing though -- I'd cut the flashback to Lov and Lorinda's meeting. It's out of POV and not really necessary imo.

Anyway, looking forward to fun political maneuvering now that we're moving into the bigger plotstuff. (I HOPE there will be political maneuvering involved eventually -- if Caerleon wants to establish herself in her own right, she's probably going to have to resort to less-than-strictly-honorable methods at some point, even if she keeps herself above the sort of despicable behavior her father seems to embody.)

Wow. You're right, it is original. I haven't ever seen a girl-pretends-to-be-a-boy story in which the girl is actually raised as a boy, without being told she is a girl for so long. Well written, too. I noticed, though, that you have incorrectly used 'bond' instead of 'bound' a few times. Instead of, 'It was bond to happen', it should be, 'It was BOUND to happen'. That was just sort of bothering me. I'm adding this to my favorites. :)