it was really good!

Hi
That was a really good story and i enjoyed reading it. I liked it because you actually wrote about the reactions most teenagers have with abuse and you didnt make lite of the situation.
keep writing
rachael

i really liked this story...it kept me so hooked on to it. it's really amazing. keep up the hot work!:P
xoxo

The story is going good right now but there are a lot of errors. Not serious ones,but sometimes they do interfere with the fluidity of your story.

Michelle was the girl that loved to party and was the Latina queen at our school. She is a very social girl to and knows about all the gossip, so whenever there is anything to know you would have to ask her and she could tell you the story. Then there was Jessica Jonas, she’s the girl that loves to listen to music and you could have a serious talk with. She is also like a mother in a way because she tells you when you are doing something bad and will scold you. I love them both to sum it up.

Here you used both past and present tense. I notice you do this a lot. I makes the story less cohesive.

You also have you minor spelling and grammatical errors like "to" instead of "too" and "rapped" instead of "wrapped".

You need commas. It is VERY hard to read a story for the story when you are being distracted by silly mistakes.

I really think that you need an editor if you are going to want to get this published. The editor will find mistakes you miss so you will have a good chance of getting most of the errors out.

Good luck!

not to sound like an english teacher or something, but you need more commas. However, I love the story!

this story is dumb...the 'hahaha's are stupid and IAN is gay!

hey,
im a new reader, what i've read (chapter 1) is pretty good.
i'd jus like to point out that the wrapped you were looking 4 is spelt with a w.
i realise this story is complete, but i hope that helps!
-ewe.

I loved the story.

Tis the end? Ah, well, All went well.

I still think that you should take a look at your grammar in some chapters, I commented about all the ones that really bothered me.

This, in all, was a wonderful story. I am happy to say that the ending was, though slightly predictable, wonderful anyways.

I am going to be waiting for an update on your other story :)

MWAH! (Oh, ick... that does NOT sound like me...) How bout... LATER DUDE!!

--Evil Angel of DOOM

nice endin...so, did the father not have any motive behind killin the mom then wantin to kill the daughter?

WAAH! It's over!! It was really good.

wow, i can't believe that it is over. . .


you think that maybe you could do a part two??
I would love to read it!:)


though, I put you on my author alerts, so i will be reading your future stories!


~xxstarryeyedxx~

*sigh* *claps loudly* wonderful. MAH-valous, dahl-ling! =] i'm kinda sad to see it end, though, ya know? *sigh* okay, well, I though it was goregous, good luck in the future! =]

aw its the end! curtains closed! omg! sad!! tear great story!

*gasps*

you can't just stop there!!

I'm sad now. I hope Ian comes and saves her.

I kinda saw this coming about her mother's death, I just didn't expect it to be her Dad.

update soon!
Happy New Year!

~xxstarryeyedxx~