I like this style though. It works well with what you're trying to say (i think :P). Good work ]

k.X

love

I like the speed, rush, and jolt of this. It exemplifies electricity in that the progression is constant and immediate. Very fluid and thought conscious pace. Well written work. MD:77.

It's lovely! Sounds like something I would write...ah those linebreaks, they can be quite dreadful when they feel like it.