Overall, I like it. You succeeded in making the Joker a mysterious character, so I, the reader, became invested in the plot and interested in finding out more about him. Well done there.

That said, one thing that just really bothered me was the first sentence of non-italicized writing. It starts with "He." For a story like this it would be better to start with "Khastelle." It puts the reader in immediately. You can't afford to be ambiguous in the first sentence.

Also, (this is not really a critique but an observation) this seems like it wants to be a multi chapter story. That's just my opinion. It's nice as is, but it feels like you could delve into it a lot more.

All in all, good work.

I was going to review earlier, but I never got around to it, sorry. The details are great, the story is pretty brilliant, but it’s the transitions. I am bewildered when you just jump in to the next sceen. Maybe explain it a bit, or make a sceen break?

Wow... Interesting... I like it, though it's difficult to follow. You switched from Khastelle to Schellen to Joker (or was it Jake?) back to Khastelle and finally to Joker. It made me dizzy! I love the idea of the parallel universe of games, and the idea that such freedom that the pieces envy and fear Joker for seems to be more binding than being chained by the rules and love. Chained by love... a really neat idea... And it's true. You're tied down, made weaker because the more you open yourself, trust yourself to other people, the more opportunity there is to hurt you.

However.

I especially enjoyed that the pieces themselves didn't have the full story and a person in the Masterworld, who isn't supposed to know that they exist, knew it. Surprising. I'd love to know how Opa knows, and if he ever met the Joker.

I was really confused when the "Joker" came forward with the riddle. Was it Jake or the Joker really? And who exactly is speaking in italics? It's almost like Khastelle is writing a book about the Joker and as he's writing you see little glimpses of his memories and of other people. I'd find a better way to connect them all, just to make all the different perspectives clearer.

Nice job! Almost makes up for not seeing any of your early work... ;) ~Therese