FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| felicia13 2007-10-19 ch 1,  | abuseProps to the last stanza. The only real issue I take with this are the thrice repetitions of the "it absolutely mustn't be there" stanzas. You could do something like this to make it less... over-used sounding: "When you need it, want it, feel it, it isn’t there, it absolutely mustn't be there, that would break the rules." Or something like that. But I know you like repetition a lot more than I do, so... it's a personal choice/preference. Great poem, though! Felicia. |