Reviews for She's a Nobody - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: She's a Nobody

rainingflames 2007-12-09 ch 6,	abuseKeep on writing! I love this series :D There are a few grammar mistakes in here, but overall, i love the idea that you came up with!
Lizzy-Lou 2007-11-21 ch 6,	abusePretty good chapter. Kept me busy for a while.
onegurl 2007-11-05 ch 5,	abuseaww...she thinking about dean...how kute...update soon.
Lizzy-Lou 2007-11-05 ch 5,	abuseThis was good, although I feel like her father hitting her mother was a little random. I mean, it was fairly unprovoked for someone who doesn't really have a history of violence, or even just being a mean individual. But the Twister with Dean was very cute. Overall, a good chapter.
rainingflames 2007-11-04 ch 5,	abuseVery nice! This chapter is longer than all the others, and it was smart to vary the characters and bring in new ones. I wasn't expecting the twist with Jenna's dad. Wow! This story is very original and this chapter leaves the reader with ideas of what could happen in the 6th chapter. Well Done AHH IS MADDY!
Lizzy-Lou 2007-10-26 ch 4,	abuseThat was much better! I loved it! Poor Dean. =[
laprincesadelasuisa 2007-10-26 ch 4,	abuseWell this is an interesting story. I really hope to read more soon. Keep up the good work.
The Fates03 2007-10-26 ch 4,	abuseCute story. Cannot wait till Dean gets out of hospital! Its sad that he has an addiction problem. All the hot guy names, are always DEAN :D lol cu
squiggle-line 2007-10-25 ch 1,	abuseHi. Sorry it's taken me so long to get back to you. I'm going to break down the second paragraph, sentence by sentence, and then make general comments for the rest of the chapter. Second paragraph: -"There are groups in high school..." is sort of generic. I like the phrase "Great Chain of Being" but overall, I think you could get rid of the second sentence. -The second sentence is awkwardly worded. Maybe: 'Jenna had accepted that since her first day as a high school freshman'? -"Sure, there was the occasional time [when] she [thought], I wish I was popular." -"The only time she was noticed was when she got in the way..." How does she get in the way? Be more specific. What does she do to avoid getting in the way? -Show us that Jenna is normal. What are her favorite activities? What are her likes and dislikes? -"She also had a normal crush on Dean Ralph." Why is 'normal' bolded? What does a 'normal crush' mean? -Why does Jenna think Dean is the 'sexiest, hottest, and nicest' person you could possibly meet? Show us, don't tell. -'she always thought to herself' sounds awkward since the story is in third person limited...I think you can leave it at "God...isn't Keria Stampler a lucky woman" and it would be understood that the phrase is a thought of Jenna's. General comments: 1) Why does Dean join the class 'for a few weeks'? Has he had a schedule change? The meaning is unclear to me. 2) The grabbing of the chin seems awkward. Even though Jenna has a "planet-sized" crush on Dean, she's a nobody and tries not to get in anybody's way. Why does she respond so warmly to Dean's attentions? From her earlier characterization, it seems like she would be too embarrassed to ramble on about Dean's eyes. 3) The art project plot seems very convenient. It works...but it doesn't seem very realisitic. 4) Avoid using 'basically.' Be more specific. Overall, the grammar is decent...some of the phrases are awkwardly worded though. (You might want to spellcheck your author's notes too.) Before jumping into the plot, I think you should spend more time developing the characters. Jenna is a 'nobody'...what does this mean? Does she sit by herself at lunch? Why? Do people shun her or does she prefer romance novels over conversation? The 'nobody' label is difficult to work with but I think you can pull it off if you develop Jenna's character more. Be careful of character inconsistencies. If you tell us that Jenna avoids people, then you should show her avoiding people. And on that one day when she decides to talk to someone...there should be a solid reason why she deviates from her normal behavior. Hope that helped!
StephanieWilson 2007-10-22 ch 3,	abusewow awesome please update
Lizzy-Lou 2007-10-22 ch 3,	abuseWell, this story is very enjoyable so far. My only complaint is that the dialogue is not formatted correctly, and it makes it a bit confusing and difficult to read. Aside from that, this is a good story. I really like the characters, and I hope that Dean gets better soon!
onegurl 2007-10-21 ch 3,	abusehopefully dean gets better...update soon..
onegurl 2007-10-20 ch 1,	abuseupdate soon...it getting good..
naomi.jpeg 2007-10-20 ch 1,	abuseMaddy, I love it. its good. like all your other story's LOVE you. Naomi

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