Spelling and grammar:

Not much, and I don't have enough time to do what edits there are. Mostly, though, you're goo.

Style:

But something was wrong; where it was, she could not place.
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Clarity is important. You can be vague for dramatic purposes, but this just doesn't make sense. Where what was?


They were too fast—no, wait, too slow now—they were stumbling and blundering and her feet, liquefied and melting.
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I see what you're going for, but you have to smooth this out a little. I think 'liquid and melting' would work better than 'liquefied and melting.' Put in some more interesting words into your metaphors. Think of words that remind you of the setting. For instance, in horror, references to poison and crud like that, it romance, chocolate or helium. Bad examples, but you get the idea. MOOD IS EVERYTHING.

so much more painful than when she heard it in his throat’s vibrations.
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In his throats vibration. Huh. I don't think she was in his throats vibrations, nor do I think this helps get your point across. Interesting idea, but you're going to have to scratch it.

But—he grabbed at her shoulder as she turned to run, missing by millimeters, nearly collapsing with the force of his attempt.
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I don't understand why there is a slash here.

Practical:

What is the point of this story? What does this dance symbolize? It seems sort of half-baked, like you where grazing your fingers over some deeper issue but just never really got into the nitty-gritty of it.

Character development seems a bit missing. Yes it is short, but their can still be interesting characters. Look at Edgar Allen Poe. His characters are subtle, but still definitely there.

What you did well:

You really went out on a limb. Taking on interesting styles and ideas is a great way to get better. Most writers on here are so narrow that it is sort of depressing.

Respectfully yours,
Feather La

Wow. That was an an amzingly wonderful story! I really liked it. Very good!