Reviews for Shrouded by Shadows

Reviews For: Shrouded by Shadows - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

Kirbi 2008-09-30 ch 17, anon.	abuseHello miss soccer diva, I just want to tell you how much I enjoy your work. You're one of the few people whose stories catch my attention; you're good at setting up suspenseful endings and you have such a great way of being descriptive without droning on and on and getting into purple prose territory. I love your characters, especially Kyen(I have a soft spot for inanely happy villains, actually). I also think you've improved greatly since starting this story. As for concrit, mainly I just thought it might help to do some research for your stories - for example the weapons or supplies they used, as well as how how life generally flowed in that particular time period. Another thing I noticed was that while Keri talks like modern teen, Elenn has an odd way of 'formal' speaking that rather clashes with that. Finally, your writing might be even better if you paid attention to sentence structure. Some of your phrases sounded just a bit awkward. I write fiction myself, so I have at least some kind of idea of how much reviews and comments mean to an author. A lot of talented writers give up just because people are too lazy to drop a note saying they appreciate their work. I'm sorry I haven't really said anything up to now, but I really enjoy this story as well as your other one, Fire with Fire, and I hope to see it finished.
aneman333 2008-09-24 ch 17,	abuseThis was a good chapter. I really liked seeing the interactions between Keri and Elenn. It's clear that they've grown closer together, and Elenn's reaction is especially endearing. I liked the flashback too; it builds mystery rather nicely. There were only two things that bothered me here. One was a sentence that read "Why should it matter whether he knows or not about my practicing or not?" It seems a bit repetative. I would have phrased it simply "Why should it matter whether he knows about my practicing or not?" It might have just been an error you missed. Anyway...the other thing that bothered me is actually kind of silly. The fact that Elenn got food for them after getting up, when no one else is awake seems a tad unusual, if not impossible. A minor plot hole, I guess you could call it, but it caught my attention. Anyway, I really liked the chapter; it was great. Update when you can!
I Like Yoshi 2008-09-22 ch 1, anon.	abuseThis, quite possibly, is the coolest-- Scratch that; /most totally freaking awesomest/ original fiction I've ever seen. And I've only read the first chapter. I'm serious, this completely overwhelmed me. For one, your summary caught my attention, which is ten points for you because I hardly ever go into a fiction because the summary made me curious (I know, weird.) xD. And your writing style is incredible, you really don't know how long it's been since I've seen detail like that. I can imagine every scene perfectly, every physical feature of the characters and descriptions is a clear image in my mind. Speaking of the characters; I already love them both, Keri and Elenn. It's always, /always/ nice to see some courage in a main female character, some boldness. She's a brave little thing! I love her, she's just...awesome xD! And Elenn... Ohgeez, Elenn. He's got one of two personalities I love with every ounce of my very soul
aneman333 2008-09-07 ch 16,	abuseI really like how you demonstrated Keri's progression. It's not too fast, but she is improving- especially mentally. I also like the new, more playful interactions between the characters. You do a very good job with developement, which I appreciate. Gradual change can be especially difficult, I think, but you're handling it very well. At least, in my opinion. On a personal note, I simply find it interesting to read about a character who is trying to build a mental wall, rather than writing about a character who needs to have her mental wall torn down. :) Update when you can!
Kat r 2008-07-29 ch 15, anon.	abuseI still love your dialogue. It flows well and helps the story progress. I want to know if the Desert has a specific name like the Dead Forest, and Diamond Sea. I would like it if it did. Your characters are believeable.
aneman333 2008-06-16 ch 15,	abuseOkay, prepare for a very long review. Now, I have noticed some good things about your writing, and some bad too. I'll start with the good. (And don't worry, I think the good far outnumbers the bad.) One of the things that really catches my attention about your writing is you are very good at building suspense and mystery. I am practically incapable of creating a sense of mystery, so that is something I greatly admire about your work. Also, I love your use of diction. The different characters have different ways of speaking and differnet accents that stay consistent throughout. Very good- some writers forget minor things like that after a while, but you've done a good job with that. It helps to subtly characterize your people, too. Also, another note about your characters. In the beginning, I found myself very frustrated with them- with Keri especially, since she was so immature and disrespectful. Now, though, I like seeing her develope and seeing Elenn develope from an emotionless soldier, essentially, into a feeling human being. Again, good job. Finally, I like that, after every fight, every struggle, there is a change in your characters. There are both emotional and physical effects on your characters. I, personally, find it very annoying when things come too easily to characters. If there is no fight, no struggle, then the victory is hollow. You have not done that, so I'm very impressed. Now for the criticism. Please, don't take this personally. One of the things I found confusing at first was time period and setting. That might sound silly, but I wasn't sure when or where we were. At first, I thought we were in the present day modern world. It was only after a few chapters that I realized I was wrong. You would do better to properly set the scene in the first chapter, just so as to not confuse the readers. Also, in the beginning, it seemed as if the characters were very familiar- as if I had seen them before. I must admit, though, as the story continued and I got to know them better, I grew to like them more and more. However, just becareful with your characters- make sure they aren't cardboard cut-outs. (I'm not saying they are, I'm just saying there is room for improvement there.) Finally, your villain. this is neither criticism nor praise, just observation. Normally, I prefer villains to be serious, deadly threats. I found yours to be rather comic, and at first, that irritated me. However, as we got to hear more from him, he retained that comic quality- but it was rather disturbing. I got the sense that he is a palpable threat, a deadly character with a comic surface which surprised me. In essence, you have forced me to think and look beyond the surface of your characters- which I appreciate. And I love the gradual build up of mystery that you have developed, and how the mysteries are slowly unraveling. Good job. Keep writing! (Sorry this review was so long. I hope you don't mind.)
Kat r 2008-04-21 ch 14, anon.	abuseYou have a very good developing relationship between the two. I like how they aren't in love right now. Your story flows very well, no bumps.
Kat R 2008-04-20 ch 13, anon.	abuseI like how they are alike but still different. Very good conficlts. One small error in the second to last para. "He completely like her." I know you meant he [wasn't] completely like her. But other then that I enjoyed the realistic dialogue and the story.
kat tak 2008-03-13 ch 12, anon.	abuseGood. I enjoyed the "I would rather be ruled blindly by my emotions than not have any emotions at all" Good line. I do not like the wording of "you do not know me" just because it reminds me of angry preteens slamming their door or something. That, though, is just a me thing, it's fine either way. I do like the coward echoing-ness. Good chapter.
Pure Writer 2008-02-28 ch 1,	abuseWay better than my story.
Kat Tak 2008-02-12 ch 11, anon.	abuseI love Kyen. I love your bad guy, he is so cheery but evil. It so good. You have good character interaction and etnernal conflicts. I love the sacrasm. I also like the memory.
666Savanna Wolfe 2008-02-07 ch 1,	abuseInteresting plot, seems like a good read
Kat R. 2008-01-20 ch 10, anon.	abuseI like Hem, and the mysterious sight he has of the future, very good foreshadowing. Good work.
found.eventually 2008-01-17 ch 10,	abusehahahaha! it's really funny how his english is pretty perfect except for the occasional 'ye', which makes it a little.. awkward. but it's still fine. BUT SO SHORTT. the next chapter better be longer, missy! so far so good, by the way. :)
Klutzilla 2008-01-11 ch 2,	abuseWow, your writing is really really good. I love the descriptions, and I'm definitely going to keep reading. It might take me awhile between the chapters, so don't think I've abandoned it or anything, cause' it's one of the best!

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