Hi, I like the drama and the way you state this plot, but am sad to say that I've heard it before. I AM very impressed with your writing skill though and will DEFINITELY read another one of your works!
Write on!
Pen.Dragon

The grammar Nazi? Right... ok... nice piece, I know it had to be under 200 words, but why not edit it and make it a bit longer? Build more suspense for the "surprise" ending?

~Soul