over all i find it to be well writen

This sounds a little disjointed - almost like unfinished magnetic poetry, lacking the connection between thought. Never the less, I like the imagery and the message - both of which shell deep into the heart and mind .. really making you think and feel.

That being said, as much as I don't like the disjointedness, I fear that trying to amend it would take away from some of the truly outstanding imagery and meaning. I think it is just a style-issue that will develop as you continue develop as a writer.

So, I guess .. be concious of what I mentioned above when you are writing. And .. now that I've talked myself into liking this poem, I'll just leave it at that and say keep writing. -k.